Finding Heaven

Can we have a conversation? and the Soli Deo Gloria Party

2012-02-27T19:30:00.000-06:00

It's time to pull up your chair. Do you know you have one here in this space we call Soli Deo Gloria? You do. It's reserved every week only for you. This place would be different if you weren't here and we miss you when you are gone. This is a place filled with women who seek to honor your words, you heart, your tears, and your laughter. Scooch in close. You won't want to miss a word.

Time is short these days, yes? But an investment of time (even a small investment), serves to build the community. When you arrive here, would you look over the faces of those who have already pulled up their chair? Would you ask God to point to a few people to go visit? Sometimes, He will lead you into those spaces because He has a gift for you there. And sometimes, He tugs at your heart because He has given you just the right words to pour into someone else's heart.

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

This piece, I've called The Invitation. Today, I would love to invite you to have a conversation with me in the comments section today. I'm working out some scripture and I know that God really wants me to get this. I wonder if y'all struggle with this as I do and I'd love your perspective.

Here is the background story:

On Friday, I was reading my daily bible reading (I'm reading the One Year Bible -- chronologically) and was still in the process of wading through Leviticus (oh, joy!). In chapter 24, verse 19 caught my eye. It talks about the whole eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth notion. As I read, I thought, I need to look up what it says about this in the New Testament. Alas, I was feeling lazy and didn't want to get my computer for my ever faithful concordance. I saved it for another day.

Saturday, I get up before the rest of the house and I return to my chronological bible reading. I'm not exactly sure that anything from my Bible set me off, but I am suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that I have not quite abandoned my scales like I had planned. I realized that, sure, I had become better about loving with reckless abandon, but I still expected something in return. Something big. How am I supposed to get rid of these scales, God? I cry out. I'm frustrated with myself and my inability to really let go. So, I turn to the Only One who can truly make me better about such things.

I see the words Matthew 5:38 written in my mind and I think I'm being sent to the beatitudes or something like that. So, I flick open my other bible and read this:

"You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: 'An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth'. But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer them the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken, offer your coat, too. If a solider demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don't turn away from those who want to borrow." Matthew 5: 38-42

So, no beatitudes, JUST THE VERY VERSE IN THE NEW TESTAMENT I HAD BEEN LOOKING FOR, on a silver platter, delivered by God in my kitchen. So, the question that I wrestle with is this:

What is the balance between giving your all and being a doormat?

Please, fill me in. I need some sound guidance here.

SDG Community Builder: 1) If you are new to this group, will you put as your caption "I'm new!" We'd love to give you some extra love this week. 2) If you are a seasoned member of this group, will you make sure to visit at least one "I'm New!" person? Let's show them what SDG is all about.

And because I do shameless things for Starbucks gift cards, I'm posting this picture of me, taken at 6:10 am (okay, I was 10 minutes LATE).

so sorry if I've scared you people off. you can blame Michelle.

His Grace is Sufficient for You

2012-02-26T20:33:00.000-06:00

photo source via Pinterest

For the mom whose child threw a fit in church,
His grace is sufficient.
For the dad whose daughter went on her first date,
His grace is sufficient.
For the person who still arrived late, even after leaving fifteen minutes early,
His grace is sufficient.
For she who is tired and cannot get a full night's rest,
His grace is sufficient.
For he who looks for a job and cannot grasp a hold of employment,
His grace is sufficient.
For she who desires fitness, but who feels defeated before the first step,
His grace is sufficient.
For he who struggles with addiction and fights every moment to be set free,
His grace is sufficient.
For she who longs to sing, but whose voice is squelched to silence,
His grace is sufficient.
For the mom who battles depression,
His grace is sufficient.
For the dad who battles anger,
His grace is sufficient.

Photo source via Pinterest

For the households that face scarcity,
His grace is sufficient.
For the children who are home-schooled, private-schooled, or public-schooled,
His grace is sufficient.
For she whose bones are brittle, but whose spirit longs to fly,
His grace is sufficient.
For he whose heart struggles to beat, but whose faith is strong,
His grace is sufficient.
For the hopeless, for the faithful, for the weary, and for the strong,
His grace is sufficient.
For the ones in chains and for the ones who are free,
His grace is sufficient.

God says to us, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor 12: 9) and sometimes it is a hard Word to take in -- when we feel persecuted, abandoned, insulted, in hardship, perhaps trapped in circumstances that seem to continually implode within our lives. And yet, even in the hard, may we hear the softness in His voice as He whispers these words in our ears. May we grasp hold of the freedom that He offers us -- freedom from the need to be perfect, freedom from the need to be strong, freedom from the need to have it all together, freedom from embarrassment, freedom from control, freedom from incessant planning, freedom from...whatever entraps us, ensnares us, keeps us from our Savior. My prayer is that we would embrace His grace. May we be sufficient only through Him.

Linking with Michelle at Graceful and Shanda for On my Heart.

The honor of your presence is requested at the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood, Monday evening through Wednesday night, at Finding Heaven.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Hebrews 10: 23-25

The wrong definition, but okay...

2012-02-24T07:56:00.002-06:00

Funny that grit's the word of the day and I'm planning on cleaning my house today.

Mopping floors (well, at least sweeping them).
Dusting (at least the downstairs)
Vacuuming
Straightening
Putting things away (hopefully not just stuffing them in a closet)

photo source via Pinterest

I'm a person that really thrives in a clean house, but not such a nut that I actually dust my blinds at regular intervals. I guess you could say, I'm comfortable with a small amount of grit, unless say, someone new is coming to my house and I feel that clean blinds would really impress them.

Then, I clean up THAT grit.

How often do I clean up my grit, spiritual and physical, for other people. Not just for me? Not just for my family? Not just for my God?

Am I comfortable with a level of grit in my relationship with God? Do I leave a layer of grime and figure, I'll just save that for another day?

"Create in my a clean heart, O God," runs through my mind. What is that grit that I've pretended to overlook? What is that grit that I look at say, "Everyone has that" just like I might say, "Who dusts their ceiling fans every week?"

STOP.

(Okay, half way through writing this, I pause and think, grit doesn't necessarily mean grime and dirt, it's more about abrasiveness. Oh well, no editing allowed! Besides, dust can be irritating, yes?)

Linking with Linking with the Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday.

And with Michelle for Caffeinated Randomness.

Cultivate Gratitude: A Guest Post

2012-02-23T07:00:00.000-06:00

When Jen asked me to write a post about gratitude in unlikely places I was thrilled and nervous. Thank you, analytical self for directing me towards the meaning and root of the word. Gratitude has so many synonyms: gratefulness, thankfulness, appreciation, acknowledgement, and credit. The words grace and gratitude share a common root, the Latin word gratus meaning, “pleasing” or “thankful”. It has been said when you are in a deep state of gratitude you will feel the presence of grace…powerful!

If you were to write a list of things you were grateful for what would that list look like? A year ago, my list consisted of happy moments such as my husband, children, family, and friends, maybe an occasional something that happened in my day. I was deep in yoga training, reading an assigned book when it broached the subject of gratitude. It spoke about the practice of gratitude, whether the situation is positive or, let’s just say negative for lack of a better word. It sparked something deep within me. If I could cultivate gratitude for the happy moments, could I cultivate gratitude for the challenging moments as well? Find the light within the shadow? Let me clear, I am not talking about pretending something is positive when it is indeed anything but. I am talking about the lesson (light) to be learned from the challenge. Challenge is just another road to opportunity.

My youngest child and I were at a Doctor’s appointment to check her hearing for the 3^rd time. The kind lady at the front desk handed me a bill from the last visit. Never mind I was trying not to think (who am I kidding *worry*) about the test itself but now, here was another costly bill. Before I started my downward spiral, I made a conscious choice to practice gratitude. Who wouldn’t be grateful for having an amazing doctor who has been with us since day one? Or for a child who sat on that exam table with a huge smile (a gift I am grateful for everyday)?

That was the “easy” list. Now for the harder cultivation (practice)…I am so grateful for the money we put into savings to fix her teeth because even though its not her teeth that need our attention now, the money is available to us when we need it. I am grateful for the stark realization that she may not be ignoring my words or not listening - she may truly not be able to hear me (insert tears for all the times I was irritated). What else have I been upset or mad about without thinking of the why (that’s a whole other post J)? At that very moment I softened to the process, to the moment, to life and what is in store for us. She happened to be looking at a book about a clam and saw a pearl in the clam’s mouth. She said, “Is that real?” It couldn’t have been more surreal: a piece of dirt trapped in a clam’s mouth and the clam turns an irritation into a beautiful pearl. Wow, does HE have good timing – a lesson I might not have caught had I been downward spiraling. I will admit I have an attraction to pearls and now every time I wear one, let it be a reminder.

In my opinion, it is easy to cultivate gratitude for the happy moments. It is less easy to cultivate gratitude in the challenging moments. To pull ourselves out of the drudgery of life and see the pearl emerge from irritation. I have been working on celebrating my kid’s mistakes (knowing all the while this the true teacher), the times they take risks (knowing this is what helps them build confidence and humility), and the challenges they face as just another opportunity to learn and grow. It is so hard. I have found that by practicing gratitude in challenging times and sharing my discoveries with my family it has made the experience so much more profound than if I had preached it. ( I heard someone say once stop preaching start communicating – ummmm brilliant!)

It has been a gift to share my words and thoughts with all of you lovely and amazingly strong people. This community is like none other in uplifting and encouraging with kind and thoughtful comments. Here’s to abundance and opportunity and the thank you’s along the way! From the deepest place in my heart smiles and gratitude!

In gratitude and all smiles,
Michelle
michelle@michellenorris.com
michellenorris.com

how He always tips the scale to love

2012-02-22T07:00:00.000-06:00

I'm guest posting today over at Healthy Spirituality, continuing my thoughts about giving up the scales that have kept me in bondage for quite sometime. Here's a little teaser...

photo source

Drawing a line in the sand wasn’t working.

And when she expected more harsh words or another “pat” onthe rear, I instead scooped her up and held her, this six-year old body, in thesame way you might cradle a newborn. AndI started to sing her favorite song while I carried her into my bedroom to sitin the rocking chair that was once my grandmother and my great-grandmother’sbefore that.

We rocked back and forth, her huddled against my chest,wrapped tight in a hand-made blanket that had come from my grandmother’shouse. We listened to the low creakingand we inhaled the scent of the loved ones since passed on, wrapped up tight inthe love that has covered us many time over.

As I ran my hands, pressing flesh into the oak grains, as Icurled my fingers around the chair’s arm, I imagined my grandmother’s hand uponmine. A simple reminder those times Ihad drawn the line and my grandmother chose love instead of exerting power. My grandmother, the one with the direct lineto my heart, taught me the pull of unconditional love. She taught me to see to the heart and notworry so much about demanding those things that just need time to grow.

To continue reading, please come on over to Jean's site, Healthy Spirituality.

Linking this with Journey to Epiphany for Painting Prose and with My Daily Walk for Winsome Wednesday.

A Silent Auction, Running the Race & the Soli Deo Gloria Party

2012-02-20T19:30:00.000-06:00

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

SDG Silent Auction

click here to go to Emily's easy shop

You might recognize this beautiful style of painting with its bright bold colors because the talent behind this piece belongs to Emily Wierenga. And this talented woman also has a heart of gold. She has donated this 9x12 print to the cause of the Soli Deo Gloria retreat and it can be in your hot little hands with just a bid in the comments. We are doing this silent auction-style. If you want it (because you know you do), leave your bid in the comments section. Keep checking back here to make sure you haven't been OUTBID, which in case, you will need to bid again, OUTBIDDING the previous bidder. Won't this be fun? Keep in mind, if you win, not only will you have a beautiful print from Emily in your home, but you'll also be building up the SDG community. It is my heart to make the SDG retreat as affordable as possible and not let money be something that keeps someone who feels called to attend to come.

2012 Marathon: Running the Race

I finished my second marathon yesterday (good thing that marathon does not tax the fingers, or else I would not be able to write this -- why hasn't anyone built a retractable toilet seat?) and it was awesome and hard and I had plenty of inner dialog, especially miles 23-26.

Throughout the entire run, I would say to myself, "You're just out for a Sunday jog." This was especially helpful through mile 15. I have a tendency to go out too fast -- I feel good and I just go. I tend to forget that I have many, many, many more miles to come and I must conserve. Miles 15-26, I would use this phrase to trick myself that this was easy, almost over, there was no pressure, etc. It didn't quite have the effect I was hoping for...

The last 10K (6.2 miles), I would say "surefooted as a deer." What??? Let me explain. The night before the marathon, my mother-in-law called my husband to tell him that she had asked God how she might pray for me for the marathon and He came back with Habakkuk 3: 17-19 (pretty cool since this is the book that I've been teaching from for my class). It says:

"Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights."

My translation: Even when life really stinks, I can rejoice in Him. It's what brought me back to center every time I felt like this race was quickly becoming an unachievable goal. Mile 23's inner dialog went something like this:

Why did I think this was ever a good idea?
When did 3.2 miles seem so far?
I am NEVER going to do this again.
Do I really need to meet my time goal?
I could just walk the rest of the way.
I am NEVER going to do this again.

And then, someone would see the disappointment/anger/frustration on my face from the sidelines and I would hear "Come on, Jen. You can do this!" And my inner dialog would change:

I am surefooted as a deer.
God, thank you for enabling me to be out here today.
You have gotten me this far, you will bring me home.
Even when life stinks, You are there and You are always worthy to be praised.
Give me strength, God!
I can do this with You, running beside me.

No matter what life gives us, we have a promise: The Sovereign LORD is our strength! He makes us as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. We may have an uphill battle that taxes our every last bit of tenacity, of strength, of endurance, but when our cups are empty, He is ready to refill. When we surrender our own ability and allow Him to pour into us, our inner dialog starts to change, we can hear the supporters calling out to us on the streets, we can fix our eyes on the prize, and we can finish the race.

It's amazing how often physical feats and issues can have such illustrative analogies for our spiritual/mental lives as well. The whole time I was running, I was amazed by the energizing and healing powers of the encouragers on the sidelines, thousands of people who didn't know me. People who were basically house-bound because their streets were closed due to the race didn't pout indoors, but came out on their front lawns with their dogs and kids to cheer for us (or offer cocktails for quitters - this is Austin, you know). Sometimes you never know the power your words have to spur someone on, but that does not take away their significance. I think about this in relation to Soli Deo Gloria. Our community is filled with such encouragement and love...let us not hold back. Let us follow His lead to encourage those who pull on our hearts. Let the words He gives us flow out of our hearts with ease. Let us love with abandon.

"And let us consider how we may spur on towards love and good deeds..."

Hebrews 10:24

SDG Community Builder: 1) Go. Encourage. Love. Especially someone who might be new. 2) If you are new to this group, will you put as your caption "I'm new!" We'd love to give you some extra love this week. 3)Bid, bid, bid on the lovely Emily's piece in the comments section (let's start the bid at $20 -- bidding will end when the link closes at 11:59 CST on Wednesday).

(There was no writing on Sunday, so I'm linking this post to Michelle @ Graceful (surely this is a good application of scripture? and to Laura for Playdates (because running a marathon is a playdate, right?) and to Shanda for On My Heart.

Delight

2012-02-17T08:53:00.000-06:00

photo source

Surprise and delight, he says.

He has gotten it. I've just finished telling him that I've realized that I don't really know how I receive love. I've told him that I'm through with the scales and the balancing and the living constrained. I'm throwing caution to the wind in order to finally live a life loved.

Surprise and delight. I carry these words in my heart and I wonder if it is really possible to live a life unrestrained, where delight is just a wink away. It's hard to feel delighted when someone gives you a gift and you immediately start to weigh it against what you've done, what you've given, and whether you truly think you deserve it.

Delight comes without strings.
Delight comes in those peels of unrestrained laughter, often heard coming up from the bellies of small children.
Delight comes with rejoicing.
Delight comes with swooning.
Delight comes wrapped up in amazing packages, packages not filled with material things, but packages packed full of the important gestures of the heart.
Delight comes in the overflow.

Surprise and delight. Doesn't that sound scrumptious?

Last night on the couch, we make a list. We make a list of how we would feel loved and how we aim to love each other. Tangible things here. And now, we are on a mission, this husband of mine and I. A mission to fill each other's cups at random moments within the day, within the months, within the year.

Surprise and delight is just a wink away.

Linking with the Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday.

And with Michelle for Caffeinated Randomness.

Cultivate: Resolve

2012-02-16T07:00:00.000-06:00

God clearly does not want me to forget my word for 2012 -- He has structured my entire Monday morning bible studies that I teach at my church around this word! Since I've been writing about the theme of cultivation on Thursdays, I thought I would give you some of my teaching points that I used in my class. After viewing the vlog, take a look at some of the reflection/sharing questions that we used during class). Would love to hear your thoughts on what you would write on your rock in the comments.

Materials needed: smooth river rock that is big enough to write a few words on, silver or black sharpie (depending on the color of your rock)

Journal Reflection:

Think back over the course of your life. Think about the times you remember God showing up for you, preparing a way, fulfilling a promise, granting a miracle, etc. Write about the event and then choose one or two words to write on the river rock that will remind you of His faithfulness.

Linking for the first time with Tracy for Winsome Wednesday.

the brutally honest post about love

2012-02-15T07:00:00.000-06:00

Katharine at Just a Thought asked me to write a guest post, filling in this sentence:

When I live loved, I am ________________.

This is how I filled in the blank:

When I live loved, I am free.

photo source via pinterest

But often, I am not free. It isn’t the fault of those who love me. It’s the fault of these scales thatcontinuously rattle around in my brain, weighing motives, weighing worthy, weighingenough, weighing me down in these chains.

I don’t trust well and I don’t want to owe anybodyanything. I’d rather stock favors thanuse them. I’d rather people need me thanme need anyone. But, I’m growing tiredof the constant weigh-ins. I’m throughwith the complicated spreadsheets that troll my brain.

Did I watch her kidsfor her after she watched mine?

Did I do enough workto merit reading my book?

Did I ask her enoughquestions or do I need to probe more before I tell her about me?

If I do this, will helove me in this way?

The truth is, I’ve come to realize that I wrestle with avery basic question: What does it looklike to be loved? What does it feel liketo be free?

To continue reading my painfully honest thoughts, please click here.

Linking this post with Painting Prose at Journey to Epiphany.

braiding cornsilk & the Soli Deo Gloria Party

2012-02-13T19:30:00.000-06:00

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

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my fingers interlace her hair
and i am struck by the colors of the strands,
the light against the darker
and as i wrap the band
securing the braid,
it looks like cornsilk,
contrasting colors,
woven together
into beauty.

photo source via Pinterest

can you take someone like me
and weave it with someone like her
and will it come out in
beautiful bands of color?
sometimes i feel so dark
and dull
and i'm afraid i'm squelching
her vibrancy
and i feel that this role of motherhood,
i'm tainting somehow.
and i wonder if i was ever cut out for this job anyway,
this job of braiding cornsilk.

the knots ensnare me
and the pulling causes pain
and what if
she sees me as a harsh detangler?
my heart is to comb gently, you know,
but there is this impatience in me.

i want her to know that i love braiding
her cornsilk hair.
i want her to know that i love weaving life
with her and her sister.
i want her to know that our contrasts have the
power to behold beauty.
but i'm prone to tangles, too.

and i'm just praying that she remembers
the smooth hands
and the careful entwining,
and the banding together,
three cords strong.
and i'm just praying she remembers
the interlacing fingers,
the hands that pray,
the hands that hold.
and i'm just praying that despite my tangles
we weave together trust,
that we are banded in love,
three cords strong.
i'm just praying...

SDG Community Builder: If you happen upon a post this week outside of our SDG group, would you extend an invitation into this space?

(oh, and funny story: Last week one of our sweet sisters emailed me, asking me "where is the link so I can pull up my chair?" I had forgotten to set up the linky before I went out of town. Love that even though we are virtual, this group feels so tangible.)

(oh, and one more thing -- a fellow SDG sister and my friend from my youth group days is starting her own photography business. She's having a giveaway -- will you check out her site or like her on FB? It's called Anchor & Key.)

linking also with Laura and Shanda

Offense or Defense?

2012-02-12T14:00:00.002-06:00

photo source

"He (Moses) said to Aaron, 'What did these people do to you, that you led them into such great sin?' 'Do not be angry, my lord,' Aaron answered. 'You know how prone these people are to evil. They said to me, Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him. So I told them, Whoever has any god jewelry, take it off. Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.'" Exodus 32: 21-24

I read this section of the Old Testament this morning as part of my chronological reading of the bible in one year. I started chuckling at Aaron's response to Moses question. Chuckling in a I-cannot-believe-you-just-said-that kind of way. It was one of those moments, though when I've started to look down upon Aaron and then God looks me in the eyes and says, "You mean you can't identify?" And I say, "What?" and He says, "Hmmmm." And then I look away and think a moment and I repent because perhaps I have been guilty of shifting the blame...a time or two.

via Pinterest

And that's what's happening here. Aaron desperately seeks to shift any blame for this traitorous worship onto the "people prone to evil." The line I love the most, though, is the one where he says he just threw in the gold and the calf just magically materialized. Must have been a pretty smart fire or some talented gold there. And then I also wonder how Moses must have felt being called "this fellow" as if the people, as if his brother, had no investment in their relationship. As if he was some random person that had only been living among them for a short while. I wonder if Moses took this personally. I would have.

How have I played in the role of Aaron? How often do I shift blame to cover up my sins at the expense of exposing someone else to hurt? How often does someone come to me, telling me how I have hurt them, and my first response is not repentance but of defense? And what better defense than deflection or marginalization or feigned innocence?

And how often, when I feel marginalized or unimportant, I rattle off all my accomplishments, all my sacrifices, all my...whatever? How many times have I taken personally that were never meant to enter into my heart?

I have a lot to learn from Moses in this instance. He doesn't take any of this and bury it in his heart. He realizes that it has nothing to do with him. His response to Aaron?

"Whoever is for the LORD, come to me." (verse 26)

Moses knows his job. He is a servant and a mouthpiece for God. And this shapes his entire perspective. When Aaron's words come hurtling toward Him, Moses does not defend himself, but He fights for God. He doesn't listen to the lies, but presses on toward the truth.

Who do you identify with most in this story? What helps you be more like Moses? What factors influence you in the times you react like Aaron?

Linking with Michelle at Graceful (Monday) and Jennifer at Getting Down with Jesus (Wednesday).

Would love for you to join us Monday evening through Wednesday night for the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood party! Click here for more details.

Cultivate: A Guest Post by Jean

2012-02-09T07:00:00.000-06:00

Meet Jean. She is a lovely, lovely soul. She writes with a clear conviction of why she writes and the Lord's grace flows through her words and into my soul. She is giving, caring, loving and all of these things are ours for the taking when you read her blog. Here is how she relates to the word "cultivate."

I live in rural northwest Ohio. Yes this city gal ended upin the middle of farmland. Since we moved here thirty years ago I have learnedmore than I ever thought I would about soybeans, winter wheat, and corn.

Before the farmer can harvest, before the plants grow,before the seeds are planted – the soil must be cultivated. Each year I watchthe farmers get the ground prepared by using their tractors with their heavyplows to dig deep into the dirt, turning up rich dark soil.

photo source

I watch one farmer create a huge pile of rocks that alsoemerge in the process. Another works all day long to remove deeply embeddedtree roots.

Many fields in our area reserved as CRP land or unusedfields. Those acres are untilled for one and maybe more years. This is calledfallow ground – ground that in unchanged, unproducing, and uncultivated. Thesurface is hard and full of weeds.

Harvest never comes without the plow first of all breakingup the hard, crusty soil.

When I ponder the word cultivate, I visualize the plowdigging deep within the soil to mix things up. I see the soil becoming loose,open, and receptive – changed.

Reminds me of the verse in Hosea 10:12: “Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is thetime to seek the Lord, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.”

Cultivate my heart, Lord.Break up its hardness and plant your harvest of love within me.

The word cultivate scares me too. It tells me I can't justcultivate the surface to be transformed - I have got to go deep and that mayhurt a little. I am not sure what will happen if God enters my heart’s darkestplaces.

Change me, Lord and farmmy soul. Remove those embedded dead roots and cold hard stones. I know Yourprocess may take time and may hurt but I trust You, my Gardener.

Yield – another interesting farm term. A yield is theharvest, what the ground produces once it is cultivated and changed.

And yet the ground had to yield first in order to produce.

Help me yield myentire being to You, Lord. Your harvest will flourish under Your care.

The whole concept of cultivation and change reminded me ofthe story about Eustace Scrubb in C. S. Lewis’s The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

Eustace was a whiny boy. His greed leads him to put on agolden bracelet that he has found. The next morning he is shocked to discoverhe has turned into a dragon.

One night a lion leads Eustace into the woods to a beautifulpond. Eustace wants to get into the water to relived the itchiness of his skinsbut the lion tells him first to undress – to get out of his dragoness.

Eustace scratches and digs at his skin and the scales beginto slip off. At first it looks like it will work but soon he discovers anotherlayer of dragon skin beneath the first one. He peels away the second skin onlyto find a third. Then the lion speaks,”You will have to let me undress you.’

“ I was afraid of hisclaws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just layflat on my back to let him do it. The very first tear he made was so deep thatI thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skinoff it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt … Well, he peeled the beastlystuff right off – just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times,only they hadn’t hurt – and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so muchthicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. Andthere was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been …I’d turned into a boy again.” (C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader,p.91)

Cultivate. Change. Conversion.

My lesson about cultivation is that true conversion onlyhappens when I realize I can’t change my skin or cultivate my heart on my own –only God can. He will go as deep as needed and deeper than I can do on my own -to turn over the hardness within me so new life can emerge. All I have to do istrust the Gardner.

Want to read more of Jean? Oh, yes. Yes, you do, friend. You can find her at Healthy Spirituality.

when your daughter gives you art lessons...

2012-02-08T07:00:00.000-06:00

Hannah's masterpiece

Hannah woke up under the weather, so instead of heading to church, we spent the day at home, her giving me some art lessons.

Mommy's Masterpiece

What has your child taught you lately?

Linking with the newest linky party on the block, Painting Prose at Journey to Epiphany.

oh -- and I wanted you to know...I'm guest posting over at Jennifer Lutiweiler's about why I run. Want to read? Click here. Here's a little teaser:

I started running because my dad did. Watching him run, I was continually amazed by his strength and the ease of which he could put one foot in front of the other. It seemed like a feat that the likes of me could never master. When my dad worked at the University of Texas, he and a bunch of guys would go out at lunchtime under the grueling Texas sun and get about six miles under their belts at least three times a week.

Growing up, each summer we went to the beach to visit my grandmother. And almost every afternoon, my dad would go out and run on the beach. When I got in middle school or high school, sometimes I would ask to go with him, even though we both knew I couldn’t keep up. At that point in my life, I was overweight and had never had much in the way of athletic tendencies. And yet, he always said “yes” and would slow to my turtle-like pace for however long I could endure.

Let Your Yes Be a Whole Yes, a Resounding Yes & Soli Deo Gloria Party

2012-02-06T19:30:00.000-06:00

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

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SDG Retreat Update: We have a winner!

Virtual Friends, Real Sisters. Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood.

is our tagline for the group and t-shirt. In the next few weeks, I hope to have the shirt designed and online for purchase. This shirt is not retreat specific, so even if you aren't able to come to the retreat, the t-shirt still totally applies to YOU. (Oh, and Nancy Franson was the genius behind this tagline -- Nancy, I'll contact you when the t-shirt is designed so you can order your free one!)

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Now, allow me to introduce to you our Saturday morning speaker at our retreat, Mrs. Jennifer Luitweiler! Here is her introductory post to you, so you can begin to get to know her a bit better. Here she is:

photo source

So I'mfeeling kind of tough these days. I mean, I'm kind of a big deal: I homeschoolthese three kids, our first year, and they don't hate me. I am training for amarathon, my first, without fear or indecision. And I'm beginning to ask thesereally uncomfortable questions about justice and the church, and instead ofhiding my head and pretending God is not talking to little old me, I find thatmy spine is straight and I'm ready to bust a move.

Somepeople, including me, think homeschooling three children, a teen, a tween and aprimary schooler, is nuts. "How do you do it?" they ask. Some days, Isay, "Not very well." And other days, I just cry. Of course, thereare days, many more than I realize, that delight all of us.

Otherpeople say, "you're nuts," when I proclaim my registration for a halfmarathon and a marathon a week apart in the spring. Yes. Yes I am. This iscrazy. Right? You know, because, that's like...a lot of miles, and stuff. Yes.I know.

I tellmyself I'm crazy for wanting to determine the ways we are and are not, as achurch, resisting injustice, right here, in our little city. I think I am justone tiny voice, without any power. Just a little old mom, doing her thing. Buther thing might be gigantic to the disenfranchised.

And sowhile it may appear crazy, each of things on their own or combined, they arewhat I am doing. They are where I am. And I can not complain. Not because Idon't want to, because, dangit, parenting is hard, yo. And running those longmiles takes So. Much. Time. And it makes me tired. And hungry. And remember,there are these children who need their teacher to sort of be somewhat alert.

I can'tcomplain because these are the things I CHOSE to do, not without a littlespiritual prompting, I'm sure. But listen. When I chose to do each of thesethings, to set my sights on these goals, I chose with all of me. My heart, myhead, my body all bought into the idea. Homeschool would mean a certain kind ofeffort, the marathon another and the injustice, well, that's a whole different kind of strength. I can notuse any other voice or body or heart than my own, and that's a story for adifferent day, all the ways we can try to be someone we are not.

I CHOSEto homeschool and so I will homeschool so hard. I chose to run a marathon andso I will train the snot out of myself. I chose to ask women about their hurtsand so I will listen with every part of me.

When weare called to do something, we do it. What other choice is there?

Are youbeing called out into something scary or big or risky?

Jennifer Luitwieler is the author of "Run With Me: An Accidental Runner and the Power of Poo," released September 2011 with Civitas Press. She writes on crafts, sports and all manner of nonsense at jenniferluitwieler.com. A Pittsburgh transplant to Tulsa, OK, she homeschools 3 great kids and tolerates a confluence of soccer gear from her very cute husband. Find her on twitter at http://twitter.com/jenluit and on http://facebook.com/jenluitwieler But watch out, because she likes to talk. You might not get rid of her.

5 Minute Friday and Swag to Win

2012-02-03T12:40:00.001-06:00

**Please read to the end of the post for a great giveaway!**

Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Real…

I'm posting this so late because, ahem, real life got in the way. The real life of getting children to leave their comfortable beds and trade the covers for cold jeans and cold cereal. The real life of pining away for the husband who is out of town, not just because an extra pair of hands would really be helpful, but because I miss his presence, his life, his laugh. The real life of wanting a break from it all, but realizing that there are preparations to be made, for Craig's grandfather died last night. The real life of trying to keep it all together, to not lose my cool when the organic strawberries that cost $5.98 get left uneaten. The real life of loving, even when it seems to take the ounce of reserve energy that somehow got left in the tank.

But real are the friends who offer support and real is the God who loves me, even when I feel unloved. Real is the guilt I feel for not being able to respond to all the comments on my blog, but real is the truth that says, You can't do it all. Real is the love that I have for writing and His written Word. Real is the fact that even when I miss a moment with Him, grace remains. Real is the ability to allow my fingers to flow across the keyboard and to welcome the likes of you.

STOP.

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GIVEAWAY -- Do you want some swag?

Just a few days ago, I received this email in my inbox:

Did you know that in Africa, a child dies every 45 seconds from Malaria? As a mother, you know that no child should have to live in fear every single day of their lives. I'm contacting you today n behalf of ING Activewear,Touch the World, and some of the most innovative fashion designers of today to ask for your support in an inspiring project that will help millions live a fuller life without fear.

Fact: There are more than 225 million cases of Malaria reported each year worldwide. This life-threatening disease is caused by parasites that are transmitted to people through bites of infected mosquitoes, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. ING Activewear created MOSKEETO ARMOR™, a fabric that is mosquito repellent and certified for up to 50 washes! ING Activewear and Touch the World have teamed up with fashion designers Guy Wood of 5001 FLAVORS, Lawrence Pizzi, and D. Barak Stribling to launch this product internationally through theCode Purple Event. This life changing technology has initiated an international campaign against Malaria and is centered on MOSKEETO ARMOR™. MOSKEETO ARMOR™ holds the potential to save millions of lives across the world. Thanks to Touch The World (TTW), ING Activewear has been able to help distribute the MOSKEETO ARMOR™ to those in need in Africa.

February 16^th marks the launch of the Code Purple Event during Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in New York City.The event will spread awareness and raise funds to distribute this product to every soul living in an environment where Malaria is a risk factor. The fundraising event will feature unique collections from the aforementioned designers, as well as special musical guest performances, a live auction, raffles, and giveaways.

Learn more about the initiative by watching “Pam’s Story”: www.youtu.be/i1whMTQ5hWs

How can YOU help? You can tweet/FB about this post, write about the Code Purple event on your blog, like the Code Purple event on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/codepurpleevent), or follow Code Purple on Twitter (www.twitter.com/codepurpleevent). Just leave me a note in the comments about which one you did and you can enter to win a swag bag directly from Code Purple. I'll pick a random commenter on Saturday pm!

Cultivate: Honesty

2012-02-02T07:00:00.000-06:00

God clearly does not want me to forget my word for 2012 -- He has structured my entire Monday morning bible studies that I teach at my church around this word! Since I've been writing about the theme of cultivation on Thursdays, I thought I would give you some of my teaching points that I used in my class. After viewing the vlog, take a look at some of the reflection/sharing questions that we used during class (I've cut and pasted some of the slides from my talk). Would love to hear your thoughts on the answers to your questions in the comments!

To access the video via YouTube, click here.

Journal Reflection & Sharing Questions:

How is Habakkuk's cry similar to your own? (past or present)

Are you a runner or a wrestler? In the spirit of cultivating honesty with yourself, reflect on your previous behaviors during trying situations in your life. In the spirit of cultivating honesty with God, write down questions that in your heart of hearts, you long to ask God.

Has God ever answered a prayer in a radically different way than you expected?

In the spirit of cultivating honesty, ask yourself: Do you compare your circumstances with someone else's? Do you try to answer questions about your life by looking at what happens in someone else's? If you considered another perspective, could you see God's goodness?

The verse that I mentioned at the end of the vlog is 2 Corinthians 4: 17-19, which reads: "For our present troubles are small and wont' last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever." Melanie Dorsey has an excellent teaching that really expands on applying this verse. To check out her talk, please click here (it is a Facebook account, so you need a FB account to view it). Click here to view it.

when the garden is overrun

2012-02-01T07:00:00.000-06:00

When the garden is overrun, even if it is full with a beautiful bounty, too much of a good thing can still be, well, too much.

I realized the other day that having so many things I could do -- all good things -- gives me such the adrenaline rush. Sometimes it's hard to kick the habit, to leave the high, to slow down the race, to sit awhile.

But on Thursday, the day I take my sabbath while the kids are at school, I could feel beyond that addictive draw, the pulse that beat in my heart was rest.

rest.
rest.
rest.

And as I sunk into my chair, I buried my head in my book and when my thoughts threatened to deviate from the storyline, I remembered His words to me:

You have permission not to think.

And so, I buried my head again and again.

I buried my head and tried to let my heart beat with the heart of God, when He rested that seventh day.

And finally I could read no longer and I took at the pencil set, gifted to my by my sweet husband for Christmas. I tore off the plastic wrap and opened...

And the world of art laid out before me, a new playground each time on which to dance, a play with Jesus as He helps me overcome that which got to be to much.

And through the curves, He whispers.

I AM your hiding place.

same picture, but I love how the light plays on the girl

*original 9x12 on Bristol paper available for purchase.

Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose.

voting TIME & Soli Deo Gloria Party

2012-01-30T19:30:00.000-06:00

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

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photo source

No, I'm not going to ask you to vote for the next Republican candidate. Actually, much more fun and exciting matters await you...

It's time to vote for the Soli Deo Gloria tagline.

It was actually very difficult to narrow down the field, so I had my husband do it. Really. He also took his red pen to his favorite, so I'm posting the original and edited versions. So instead of just 3, you actually have 5 choices. Sorry, folks.

Choice 1

Soli Deo Gloria :: Separate cities, connected by the same Savior

Choice 2

a) Soli Deo Gloria :: The glory of His Story in our story (unedited)

b) Soli Deo Gloria :: The glory of His Word in our story (edited)

Choice 3

Virtual friends, real sisters. Soli Deo Gloria

Choice 4 (because I just can't help myself!)

Life works better with a sister by my side. Sharing life with the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood.

So glad you have the hard work to do and not me (clearly I already had the hard task of going through all the fabulous entries -- thank you to everyone who participated)! Leave your vote in the comments, please. I hope to have the shirts designed by our next SDG meeting!

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On another note, I'm moving my bible study class vlogs to Thursdays since that is when I've been exploring my thoughts about cultivation, my word for 2012. Please join me if you can! This week, we will look at the first chapter of Habakkuk if you want to read ahead to get a grasp of what we will be discussing.

AND HUGE ANSWER TO PRAYER!! I asked my Monday morning Bible study to pray for the last $217 to come in so that I can pay off the deposit before my credit card bill is due. No sooner did I finish the request, but one of my sweet ladies pulled out her checkbook and wrote out a check for exactly $217. I am thankful and humbled and astounded!!

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Soli Deo Gloria is all about sharing our hearts. Since I've taken up your time with the above business, I'm just going to summarize here:

It's easy to write about your kids when things are peachy, but a bit harder when there is a problem that still needs to be resolved. Around our house, we are really working on being honest and obedient. I'm excited on one end -- we have a behavior plan in place, a tangible goal to work forward, and I'm am armed with prayer. I've highlighted some great scriptures in Beth Moore's Praying God's Word and I've printed out some prayers that specifically help parents pray for the development of different character attributes for their kids. On the other end, it just kills me that it's an issue. Not so much the obedience, but the dishonesty. Question for you parents out there -- did your kids go through a dishonesty phase? Any illuminations for me?

Every week, I look forward to seeing your sweet faces. Since my class is in full swing, I don't always get around to each one of you, but I want you to know that your participation is so valuable to me. Even more important than that, though, your participation is important to the entire body of the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood.

SDG Community Builder: 1) Vote! 2) Before leaving a comment on another sister's page, pray for words from the Holy Spirit to flow from your heart to your fingertips as you leave a comment.

Bob Dylan & The Lord's Prayer

2012-01-29T14:51:00.000-06:00

Who knew that Bob Dylan would ever come up in church, much less a sermon?

Not me. (Although, interest piqued, I just read that Dylan became a born-again Christian in 1979.)

And yet his song, Gotta Serve Somebody, gave perfect illumination to the gospel lesson today from Mark 1: 21-28.

In these verses, the people in Capernaum are astounded at the authority Jesus has over the unclean spirits who had recognized Him as He taught in the synagogue.

Jesus "engages the forces of evil in a decisive battle," declares Fr. Parker in his sermon today.

I don't often picture Jesus in this form. I know that He has authority. I know that He commanded crowds of people. I know that He spoke out against evil and all temptations, but sometimes I get so enamored with the overwhelming love and grace that He extends to me that I miss this part of why He came into the world in the first place.

photo source

Father Parker begins to recite the Lord's Prayer as illustration:

"Our Father, whose name is holy...
Your Kingdom come, Your will be done...
on earth as it is in heaven."

Jesus came to establish God's Kingdom on this earth, this earth that we know is a fallen world. The enemy has sunk his nasty claws into the dirt of our existence and fights daily for our attention, for our allegiance, for our life.

You gotta serve somebody.

Jesus came to earth and walks with us today not to just remind us how to be, how to act, what good things there are for us to do.

He came and He walks so to equip us for this same battle so that when the forces of evil threaten to snare us, to bury us, to drown us in the sea of temptation and evil, we will prevail in His name. There is a war going on every day. Every day we as a people battle addiction -- addiction to alcohol, drugs, shopping, busyness, pornography, money, power. Seems like if you name it, we can make it a god. Could we not, instead, become addicted to the only thing that will never betray us? Could we become addicted to Jesus? When He says, "Follow Me," can we drop our nets, dock our boats? Can we respond with the entirety, the very entirety of our beings, "Yes?"

Yes.

His Kingdom on this earth.
His Will, not ours.

You’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed
You’re gonna have to serve somebody
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody

Bob Dylan

Linking with these lovelies: Michelle @ Graceful, Shanda @ Pause on the Path, Laura @ The Wellspring

Cultivate: knowing when to turn over the tools

2012-01-26T07:00:00.000-06:00

photo source via Pinterest

I realized this afternoon (writing here on Wednesday) that I don't have a good shut-off valve. God gives me a task, a job, a mission, and I push forth with everything I have to do what I believe He has called me to do. I get so focused on the task that I don't realize that my energy is depleting at a rapid rate and if energy was blood, I'd be due for a transfusion any minute now.

I go out and meet God in my garden. He stands there with His hand outstretched. I hide the spade in my hand, promising that I can enjoy the space without toiling, really I can. But why don't you let me keep the spade just in case a little weed pops up and I need to take care of it real quick, I say.

He doesn't say anything. But He looks into my eyes and He shakes His head. Finally, His words break the silence and I hear the whisper:

This is my garden. And I need my tool. It's my turn.

Like a little girl, I shyly pull the spade from behind my back and place it in His hand. I look around and the work that has been done, the seeds that have been planted, and there is simply nothing more that I can do in this moment.

Trust me, He says. Believe the words I have given you.

photo source via Pinterest

And I think back...

Psalm 27:3

Joshua 1:9

I don't want to get point where I have built fences around my garden, shutting out the one who gave me this space to begin with.

So I put down the tools, surrendering to the Ultimate Caretaker.

I find a bench not far. I curl up with a good book. And I read.

when you feel mismatched

2012-01-25T07:00:00.000-06:00

photo source via Pinterest

sometimes i feel...mismatched

like

my frame is too small to carry this burden
my heart too fragile to feel this pain
my mind too incapable of navigating this obstacle
my fear too strong for this mission
my endurance too short to finish the race

sometimes the feat just seems bigger than i could ever be

and so i seem to shrink even further
i blow farther with the smallest of breezes
i lose my footing so easily because somewhere
i've started to trod on shifting sand

and i beseech Him,
like a small child worming her way out of something her mom asks her to do,
"do i hafta?"
it's not a stubborn unwillingness
(or...is it?)
it's a genuine fear of messing up, of asking too much,
of biting off more than i can possibly chew

and i ask and He graciously responds,
Psalm 27, verse 3
and i plod my way past the old testament and i read these words:

"Though a mighty army surrounds me,

my heart will not be afraid.

Even if I am attacked,

I will remain confident."

how many people in His Word have felt so, so little.

mismatched.

it seems that's how God likes it best

because He wants us to keep walking on the firm foundation

that is HIM.

if the task was achievable on my own merits,

wouldn't i be so ever ready to toot my own horn?

but He knows my heart:

soli deo gloria

for God's glory alone.

photo source via Pinterest

and besides all that, have you ever been astounded by things put together

that would not ordinarily be paired

but when they are,

oh.

the beauty, the astounding beauty that results.

photo source via Pinterest

Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose and Jennifer at Getting Down with Jesus.

you want to enter THIS contest & the Soli Deo Gloria Party

2012-01-23T19:30:00.000-06:00

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

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photo source -- well, pay comes in the form of the free t-shirt...

I was thinking about making t-shirts for our little Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood as a fundraiser for our retreat. What better way to know you are covered by your sisters than by well, being covered by your sisters (or at least a t-shirt that says sisterhood). I pulled up a design your own t-shirt site and um, sat there. No inspiration. Nada. Suddenly it was time for family movie time in which my husband had ordered Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure from Netflix (while watching I think I actually LOST brain cells, and thus, at this point had absolutely no hope for further inspiration.) But then I thought, why not have the sisterhood come up with a cool tag line for our group here? Just a thought -- the tagline should address the sisterhood and not the retreat, as not everyone is able to come to the retreat, but every woman IS able to be a part of our group.

And so, an idea was born -- you are in charge! Come up with a tagline and leave it in the comments. I'll select the 3 that I like best and we shall vote on the one we all like next week. The winner of tagline contest will receive a FREE t-shirt!

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Another idea I had (obviously borne before PeeWee's Big Adventure) was that I would take what I'm teaching in my class at my church and share it here in the form of a vlog. If you'd like to join in with our class content virtually, just hit the play button (and I promise I will get better at this vlogging thing!):

If you can't view the video from here, you can view it on YouTube by clicking here (email subscribers, you can either come to my blog or just click the YouTube link).

SDG Community Builder: 1) Join in the tagline fun contest! 2) Pray as you look over the faces of those women who have joined today. Which face pulls on your heart? Take that as the Lord's prompting and go visit, leaving some encouraging words before you leave.

Looking for how to donate to the SDG Retreat?? Want to help a sister who wants to come but needs a little financial help? Click here and scroll down to the bottom of the page. Only $218 until the deposit is paid off!!

Mercy.

2012-01-22T15:35:00.000-06:00

photo source via Pinterest

I haven't heard much talk about Jonah. He only takes up 48 verses in the entire Bible. I have to say, though, the times that I have read it, God always seems to pack a punch within the few words contained within its pages.

At first glance, it seems the main lesson is this:

Do what God tells you to do the first time, lest you want to get eaten by a big fish.

While I think this is an important lesson, I think the bigger reason why Jonah's story is included in the Bible is because it is a story of mercy.

Sure, God shows Jonah mercy by giving him another chance to fulfill his calling, but God also teaches Jonah the importance of being merciful. Sometimes we are quick to receive mercy, but hesitant to give it away.

The whole reason that Jonah didn't want to go to Nineveh is because he knew what would happen if he went there, opened his mouth, and let God's words tumble out. He knew that Nineveh would repent and that God would then spare them. He cries out to God,

"Didn't I say before I left home that you would do this, LORD? That is why I ran away to Tarshish! I knew that you are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and rich with unfailing love! You are eager to turn back from destroying people!" Jonah 4:2

It all sounds kind of silly to my ears at first. Who would blame God for being compassionate and merciful? Would not we sink into this truth instead, filled with gratitude that we serve a God that will not turn away from our desperate repentance?

But then, Fr. Mike goes on, comparing Jonah to the elder brother in the story of the prodigal son. It is at this reference that I understand the heart of Jonah in that moment. It's a heart of pride. It's a heart that says:

I'm better than them.
My works are more meaningful.
It's not fair that he..., when I have...

It's a heart that cultivates a false image of myself for a myriad of reasons -- self-protection, self-elevation, self-image. The key word is self -- when I neglect to extend mercy, I choose myself. When Jonah wanted an entire city of 120,000 people to perish so that he could feel good about his own life, his own culture, his own people, he chose himself.

I wonder if Jonah got the message. I wonder if it pierced his heart so much that he couldn't help but allow God to free him from the worldview that so consumed his life?

I want to be pierced. I don't want to go through life living for myself. I don't want to bind myself in chains of comparisons and judgement. When God says go, I want to go freely, ready to embrace the amazing qualities of God that daily transform my soul. Plus, I don't really want to spend three days in the belly of a fish, or some sort of equivalent.

What about you? Have you had times when it was hard to be merciful?

Linking up with Michelle at Graceful.

And don't forget: Soli Deo Sisterhood link opens Monday night at 7:30pm CST.

And did you know? We are planning a retreat!

Cultivate: Remember Your Progress

2012-01-19T07:00:00.000-06:00

photo source via Pinterest

With cultivation, I envision slowness. In many ways, then, cultivation is the antithesis of the rhythm of my day. What I realize now, though, is this: If I take in things that are happening around me and to me with a pace that is frantic, hurried, and fast, I am unable to recall the lessons that God has taught me previously. However, if I take in these events or words or relationships and mix them into the soil of my life, I can more readily either see how they fit in. When I digest events instead of attack them, more than likely, clarity ensues.

Example:

In the past, I have always freaked out about money. If an expense popped up that I didn't expect, even if we had money in savings to cover it, I would chose to deal with the situation often with worry, anxiety, fear, and a fair about of tears. Even if we could pay for something, I viewed the expense as something that took away my security (i.e. my savings account) and that left me vulnerable (i.e. What if something else happens and we've spent all our money here and then don't have money for this?). When the new expense popped up, I immediately reacted, which meant that all the times that God had provided meant nothing to me at the moment. I couldn't assimilate this new happening with those of the past because I was too busy trying to figure things out with an anxious and restless heart.

Today when the heater repairman came to diagnose my unusually loud A/C unit and then, about 15 minutes later told me that the motor was out and it would cost approximately $1100 to fix, I went through this process:

1. Okay, we have the money in savings to cover this.
2. It doesn't leave us with a lot, but God is faithful. He will provide if we need money for something else.
3. Oh my goodness! Maybe I need to go back to working part-time so these things don't require us to take so much money out of savings!

photo source via Pinterest

4. Wait, God did not say anything about going back to work. He has called me to do what I am doing, even if it's not making any money right now. God is faithful. He will provide. He is my security.
5. Breathe and continue folding laundry.
6. God will provide. God will provide. God will provide.
7. When the repairman says, "Oh, I forgot to add on the $69 diagnostic fee," repeat step 6, coupled with the phrase, "Do not hit the repairman."

It wasn't a perfect process, but I didn't call my husband crying. I didn't start looking up part-time jobs on the internet. My stomach didn't tie itself into knots. And on the whole, it's a heater and we need heat, so I'm just going to be thankful that we have the money and pay the man. With joy! (that last part, I'm totally being sarcastic -- I'm still a work in progress)

I just wonder how many times I have gone through the same thing over and over again simply because I chose to ignore the lessons God had taught me previously and instead react with worry, anxiety, and fear. This little (expensive) event has given me new insight on how I can react to new events with the spirit of cultivation instead of a frantic panic.

What about you? Is there some trigger that normally sends you over the deep end? How would a spirit of cultivation help keep you sane and grounded on His foundation?

Identity and iPhones

2012-01-18T12:00:00.000-06:00

photo source via Pinterest

No matter what it's doing, my iPhone always remembers its identity.

If it is sending an email, it still rings.

If it is processing my latest Words with Friends move, it still rings.

If it is playing Adele on my docking stereo, it still rings.

It still rings while browsing the internet, sending a text, or loading Facebook.

My phone does not get sidetracked by it's bells and whistles. It always remembers that it is a phone first and foremost. When someone calls, it lets me know, and casually offers me the choice to accept or decline.

Do I always remember that my identity is simply this:

I am a CHILD OF GOD.

My bells and whistles? Well, there is an assortment, I tell you.

How often do I get wrapped up in the fact that I:

photo source via Pinterest

mother

teach

write

speak

draw

create

decorate

clean

organize

cook

wife

friend

run

volunteer

read

consume

give?

How often do I wrap myself so tight that when He calls, I do not answer? I do not ring. I do not accept. How often do I decline?

I want to remember my identity as well as my iPhone. HIS FIRST.

all else, secondary.

a simple bell

or a simple whistle.

When He calls, I will answer

now.

Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose...

20 Seconds of Courage & Soli Deo Gloria Party

2012-01-16T19:30:00.000-06:00

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

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Clearly, I am still processing life through the lens of the movie, We Bought a Zoo. One of the key life lessons that the main character, Benjamin Mees, learns from his brother is that he can do anything -- all he needs is 20 seconds of courage.

How many times have I felt the Lord nudge me to do something, but instead of gathering my courage and just doing it, I rationalize, I over think, and then I talk myself out of the whole thing? But what if I heard the call and realized that all I needed is 20 seconds worth of courage? When I think about delving into a new adventure (mundane or not), the hardest part is just getting started. Can you relate?

via Pinterest

Last Sunday, I knew that God wanted me to ask my priest if he would consider donating money toward the Soli Deo Gloria retreat to help defray the cost for those wanting to attend. I saw him across the parish hall, finishing up a conversation with two other men. Could I ask him for money in person or should I hide behind an email? My stomach was filled with butterflies (oh, how I hate asking people for things!), but I knew that I needed to start the conversation and now was the time. All it took was about 20 seconds to walk over him and start opening my mouth. And do you know, after that conversation and one more follow up conversation on Wednesday, he told me he was sending me a check for $500 out of his discretionary fund?

20 seconds of courage in this case ended up being worth $500 -- and so much more. Not only am I closer the goal of raising $3000, but I also have more confidence, further confirmation that this is a worthwhile pursuit, and even more courage to go on asking.

So, what about you? Is there a task or adventure or conversation where if you thought, "All I need is 20 seconds of courage..." and I could do this? Tell us about it in the comments!

SDG Community Builder: 1) As you visit, is there a way that you could inspire courage and confidence as you leave your comment for the author? 2) (summoning up my 20 seconds of courage) If you feel led, would you consider making a donation (no matter how small or large) to the SDG retreat? If so, you can donate by using the ChipIn widget that is now housed here? (thank you Nancy!). Funds are securely processed by PayPal. 3) Grace for me this week? I might not get around as much as I'd like. My first class of the semester that I am teaching at my church starts next Monday and on Tuesday I really need to prepare. Thank you, sweet ladies!

Adventure awaits?

2012-01-15T14:00:00.000-06:00

photo source via Pinterest

I love how God can work through any medium. I also love how He brings things full-circle. Things that I've pondered in my heart, but didn't really know what to do with, He brings back up and shows me more. He shows me why He planted them there. Or, perhaps He doesn't explain, but He gives me another illustration, and that which has laid dormant is now alive again.

And all this writing is pouring forth because we went to see We Bought a Zoo. Yep, never thought God would speak through this one.

During Christmas I read something or I heard something that focused on how Mary went to the inn and the door to that space was closed. And yet, it didn't mean that Mary wasn't supposed to have the baby. She didn't look at the closed venue, throw her hands up to God, and say, "Clearly, You are telling me I'm not supposed to have this baby." The closed door didn't equal don't' give up.

In We Bought a Zoo, (SPOILER ALERT), it's opening day for the zoo and there is no one lined up at the gate. The son screams, "Something has to be wrong!" He takes off running and they discover that a tree had fallen into the road, prohibiting people from passing through. As far as the eye can see, cars and people are lined up, ready and willing to venture into this new space in the community. The Mees and the zookeepers can't move the trees, so instead, they help people through the trees so they can get to the zoo.

Benjamin Mees could have looked at the fallen trees as a closed door, a sure sign that this zoo wasn't meant to be. He could have said, "Sorry folks, we can't open the doors because there is a tree blocking your cars."

He could have missed the best grand opening of his life.

Mary could have complained about her surroundings and missed the bundled joy.

Sometimes I get so focused on things going right that the slightest veer from my intended path starts me questioning if I should have gotten on the road to begin with.

I dare to say that I don't think this is how God wants us to live. I'm actually kinda starting to think that God wants us to be a bit...adventurous. Scary thought for the likes of this girl.

And yet. When we are called to overcome odds, God gets glorified. When projects seem insurmountable, God helps us to overcome. When the only way through seems a bit unconventional, it means God is so incredibly creative.

Obstacles don't necessarily mean we aren't doing what God wants us to do. Obstacles can mean that we fulfill our destiny as overcomers. Sure, when the doors keep closing, God could be giving a sign that this is not the way to walk. For me, though, I am realizing that just because it gets hard, it doesn't mean that God doesn't want me to keep persevering. I'm realizing that life really is an adventure. When we get on the ride, we can be in for the thrill of a lifetime. But we have to get on.

My oldest daughter has this streak of adventure. She oftentimes looks forward to the unknown, to the thrilling. She might be a little scared, a little anxious, but she doesn't want to miss out on the fun. Here she is on the back of her grandfather's motorcycle:

I want to be on my Father's ride. And when He pauses, I want to be ready to go again with this type of enthusiasm. I want to be ready for adventure, tucked behind my Father, who is steering the ride, even if I am unsure of where I am going. Even if there will be some bumps in the road.

Linking with some beautiful ladies, whom I grow to love more and more each week: Michelle @ Graceful, Shanda @ Pause on the Path, Laura @ The Wellspring, and Jennifer @ Getting Down with Jesus)

The Process of Awakening

2012-01-13T08:01:00.000-06:00

From the Gypsy Mama:

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just writewithout worrying if it’s just right or not.

Won’t you join us?

3. Most important: comment and encourage the person who linked up before you.

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Awake…

via pinterest

It's not my best time of the day. In fact, there are few times when I'm ever much worse. It's those first few moments after my eyes finally flutter open and the first words that have to interact with another's.

At first "awake" I am grumpy by nature. I don't want to talk. I don't want to hear whining. I certainly don't want to be the commanding officer of the morning routine with my children. I have to really work to be pleasant. I have to work to keep my temper in check because when all I feel is the need for silence and my house sounds like a deafening roar, well, let's just say I have a harder time controlling my tongue.

To fully awaken is a process for me, but not just in the morning. In my relationship with Him, too. Sometimes I feel like I come back to revisit the same bad habits and sins simply because the last time He went through it with me, there was part of my soul that was still asleep. It wasn't sensitive to His touch. It wasn't cognizant enough to hear those words that He breathed into my heart.

So much of life is a process of being awakened. Awakened to His grace, His beauty, His gifts. So even if it means I might be grumpy for the first half an hour, my soul hungers to be awake, alive, and singing.

Also, linking with the beautiful Michelle for Caffeinated Randomness.

Cultiviate: A Sabbath

2012-01-12T07:00:00.000-06:00

photo source

How many of you are tired of me talking about rest? How many of you think, "When will she just learn to take a day off and be done with this? How many days, months, years, decades, will it take her to get this?"

I wouldn't be mad if you looked at the title of this post and scoffed. I wouldn't be mad because I look at the title and scoff. When will I give in? When will I fully surrender? When will I just do it?

To be fair, I have actually taken a full Sabbath a few times. The best one ever I chronicled here. I know it's good. I know it's right. I know that taking a day off is pleasing to God. So what's so hard?

photo source

It comes down to one thing.

Trust.

Do I trust that if I stop, God will make up for my lack? It sounds like a silly question, but I know that when I stop, it means that things get left undone. When I stop, the world keeps going. Do I trust that when the Sabbath day is over and the next day arrives, God will show me how to manage my time, my attitude, my steps?

Last Thursday, I woke up glad it was the Sabbath day for me (I claim my Sabbath as a time when the house is empty. I try not to blog, work on the SDG retreat, do housework, run, etc.) But when my mind kept turning to the details of this and that, I couldn't help but go try to iron out some of the kinks. I couldn't help but send another follow-up email. I couldn't help but get ahead on the laundry so that I wouldn't be waylaid the next day.

And then, as I was folding laundry, I realized that even if I got still enough to read a good book, my brain would not be at rest. And I felt God say this:

I give you permission not to think.

It was such a shift for me to match the idea of my physical rest with my mental rest. I've never been good at putting things out of my mind. If there is a problem, solution, idea, I want to work on it now. But the problem is, if I am always working on the future, I miss the present. I know it's cliche, but what happens is when I don't get physical and mental rest, I regret that I missed the time to take a break. And then I get a little bitter or a little down or I don't have the energy to be the person I really want to be.

For me, I have now realized that a sabbath is something that needs to be cultivated. Just like I mentioned here, there are preparations to be made. But there lies on the Sabbath day, permission to put aside. In the act of putting aside, there comes the gift of relishing the moment. There comes a gift of being able to trust the Father, that He will hold the thoughts, the ideas, the problems, the solutions, the laundry, the whatever, in the palm of His Hand.

Cultivating the sabbath is an act of cultivating trust.

How Much Is Your Faith Worth? and the Soli Deo Gloria Party

2012-01-09T19:30:00.000-06:00

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

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Saturday morning came with a sense of fear. As the light filtered through the slats, all I could hear was my husband's words the night before:

photo source

How many people do you need to attend the retreat to make ends meet?

My response: I don't know.

In the morning, my response was this: ohmygosh. I don't know! And I have to pay this deposit and what if people don't come and what if I'm crazy and what if I can't figure out what I'm doing. And is God really asking me to do this? ohmygosh. ohmygosh. ohmygosh.

And then I heard, "Is your faith worth $750?"

And I said, "Lord, I'd love to say yes. I'd love to say it's worth much more than that, but I'm going to need some pretty specific confirmation here."

I padded downstairs and opened my devotional to the day's reading (only just now did I realize that I read the wrong date). Kristin Armstrong, in her devotional, Heart of My Heart, writes this:

God takes our meager offerings, limited by our knowledge and our energy, and He multiplies them -- just as He did with the loaves and the fishes. He takes the little that we have to offer and He makes it sufficient. (page 6)

Even though $750 doesn't sound meager to me, I got the point. We give a little in faith and God takes care of the rest. By His grace, He covers our offerings and makes them enough. He covers us and He makes us enough.

Okay, I say I got the point, but I wanted something more. So, I asked God to direct me to a place in scripture to give me further confirmation and I heard a whisper in my head -- John 11:8.

"But his disciples objected. 'Rabbi,' they said, 'only a few days ago the people in Judea were trying to stone you. Will you go back there again?"

Confused? Yes, me too, until I read the context. Jesus had to go back to Judea because that is where Lazarus was. He was going back to comfort Mary and Martha and then raise Lazarus from the dead. The disciples think Jesus is crazy because they equate the journey to Judea to a possible death sentence. Obviously, Jesus knows better, but the disciples only see the risk. But then, something beautiful escapes from the mouth of Thomas. In verse 16, Thomas says something beautiful:

"Thomas, nicknamed the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, 'Let's go too -- and die with Jesus.'"

And there, yes there, from the words of Thomas, my eyes start to brim with tears. To Thomas, his faith is worth his very life. To Thomas, allegiance to Jesus is all there is. To Thomas, it didn't matter the risk. The only thing that mattered was going where Jesus was going.

So, friends, I'm putting down the deposit on this retreat. I don't know what lies ahead, but I know where Jesus is telling me to walk. And I've decided my faith is worth at least $750.

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To find out more details about the Soli Deo Gloria retreat, please click here.

SDG Community Builder: 1) If you would like to be on the SDG prayer team (meaning you will commit to praying for this retreat for the planning and actual event), please let me know by email or in the comments. 2) If you know of a small business or organization that might be interested in sponsoring the event so to help defray the cost for the participants, please let me know how to contact them. 3) Give lots of comment love as you are visiting each other! 4) Oh, yes! Would you consider putting the retreat button on your blogs? 5) And if you haven't liked s(He) Listens on Facebook, do that too, so you can catch all the latest news!

(I'm a little pressed for time this week, so I'm linking this post with some other very nice linky ladies: Michelle @ Graceful, Shanda @ Pause on the Path, Laura @ The Wellspring, and Jennifer @ Getting Down with Jesus)

5 Minute Friday & A Sale! A Sale! A Sale!

2012-01-05T18:59:00.000-06:00

From the Gypsy Mama:

Let’s do it. Let’s just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Let your mind and your words and your heart fly free; wild – no editing, no over thinking.

The Rules:

3. Must: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Roar…

source

Roar? Really? I do not roar. I do not like to draw attention to myself like that, you know. But as I read on about Gypsy Mama's calling and her passion that wells up inside her, well, I can definitely relate to that.

That's how I feel about Soli Deo Gloria. That's how I feel about creating spaces for women to bare their hearts to God on a continually real basis. That's how I feel about community. If I could roar about Jesus' undying, unchanging, fierce love for women, I would roar until I no longer had a voice.

Why does the lion roar? I'm afraid I don't have regular access to the psyche of a lion, but I'm sure at some point because they roar to protect their space. As I make plans for the Soli Deo Gloria retreat (more info to come!), I hear God telling me to pray for protection. He warns me not to get lost in the details because He will be in charge of those. He asks me to stand and protect the pride -- standing, covered with the armor of God, roaring my prayers, asking Him to send His angels, His warriors, His Holy Spirit to descend upon the preparation, the retreat, the lovely women who will be there, perhaps even the city of Austin itself.

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Just a note...

Who doesn't love a sale? And what about FREE?

Oh, I love getting things for free, don't you? If you are like me, then you simply must check out Vyrso. They have several ebooks that you can download for...you guessed it...FREE! Essentially, they are all about bringing books written by Christians for Christians. They have ebooks that you can also integrate with your LOGOS Bible software, too.

I highly recommend that you check them out by clicking here. (They also have an app that is...well, FREE!)

Linking with The Gypsy Mama & Caffeinated Randomness today on this lovely Friday!

Cultivate: A Weeding Session

2012-01-05T07:00:00.000-06:00

via Pinterest

You see, the first morning we had to get up and get ready for school was fabulous. And when my darling daughters arrived home, everyone was in a good mood. They willingly did their homework without arguments. They ate what was fixed for dinner without complaining. They were kind to me and kind to each other.

It was a good day and I went to bed fulfilled and satisfied. Their little love tanks must be full. Things are going to be good. Being a mom was so much fun today.

And then Tuesday happened.

The first words out of my oldest's mouth were, "Hannah hit me." It just went downhill from there. Shuffling feet, angry words, rejected breakfasts. What has happened to my children? How can I put them to bed one way and have them wake up completely different people?

I was mad. I was grumpy. I grumbled while I ate breakfast. I grumbled while I did my quiet time. I grumbled while reading SDG blogs (I hope that didn't spill over into the comments, ladies). I grumbled until I was 8.5 miles into my 10 mile run.

via Pinterest

It took a full morning and 8.5 miles for me to get out of my own head long enough to hear God speak to me about the events of the morning. And what did He say? Ahem:

And what did you cultivate this morning?

A particularly painful question because this happened on January 3rd. Yes, only 3 day into my new word and, um, clearly I was failing. But instead of arguing, I just listened. Paraphrased, this is about what He said to me:

You reacted to their mood. You were so focused on getting them to be respectful in that moment, so focused on getting them ready for school, so focused on what it felt like to wake up to completely different kids, that you missed the opportunity to cultivate a different environment for them. You contributed to the grumpiness. You did not cultivate an environment in which they might want to change. Grumpiness begets grumpiness. You cultivated more grumpiness.

Yes, He does have to repeat Himself with me sometimes to get His point across. But I did get it. The environment that I want to cultivate for my family has to have time to grow, to really take root. At the same time, some of the old behaviors need to be uprooted (hence the conversation I had with God this morning). If God didn't point out the weeds, I wouldn't have the space for the fruit.

I'm learning that cultivation is not just bringing in newness to spaces, but it's also about de-cluttering. And with any job I want to do well, it takes time. It takes not rushing. It takes being intentional. It takes being willing to bend and extend grace and realize my part in it.

The kids came home from school and I started using my word in conversation with them. So far, I've just been asking them if their actions cultivate love. Right now, I'll admit -- it's a bit more for me than it is for them. I have to say my word out loud a lot in order to keep the goal in front. But, I'm really hoping that one day, they'll start using the word, too, calling me on my actions and words.

"Mommy, are you cultivating love?"

In so, they will be a part of the uprooting and the sowing, the weeding and the nurturing.

Hopefully, when that day comes, I won't be so grumpy.

What about you? How do you cultivate an environment of love in your house? How do you climb out of your own funks so that you don't react, but instead, rebuild?

Linking with Jennifer at Getting Down with Jesus.

What Will You Cultivate? and the Soli Deo Gloria Party

2012-01-02T19:30:00.000-06:00

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

via Pinterest

I love routine. I love clean spaces. I love to organize and reorganize. I love to clean out, rearrange, and start fresh.

And thus, I love January.

I also love the fact that God's mercies are new every morning and it doesn't have to be January for me to start over, to seek forgiveness, to change something that needs alteration. But since I love schedules and routines, I love when change starts at a beginning. I like it when life fits together like puzzle pieces.

Coming home from Disney World at the beginning of December, I received a gift. I heard God whispering permission to find a routine again. It was like receiving an award after a long race. I had run as God had asked me to, along paths that did not seem feasible in my eyes, along roads that took me to places where I was not comfortable. From August through December, He asked me to give up my own schedule and lean on Him at every crossroads for direction. He asked me to view my time as something not my own. It was a journey in which I learned that things in life really were beyond my control, but were not beyond God's. I learned to listen for His promptings in small things, which sometimes, when they all add up, can end up being more meaningful than the big. Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned through all of this is that there is no question too small for God.

Perhaps that's not the biggest lesson. Rather, perhaps the most rewarding and tangible lesson I've learned through all of this is surrender. That word used to have such a negative connotation for me. I viewed it as God standing tall above me, finger pointing in my face, saying LAY IT DOWN...OR ELSE. Surrender to me was fear-based. But looking back, I realized that I was afraid to give up something because I had so closely identified that something with me. I was only worth how much I had or did or knew or created.

When I think about surrender now, I think about a soft pillow. I think about falling into His arms. I see kindness in His eyes when He opens His hands and I see a heart that longs to teach me and hold me. I see Him valuing me above anything I do. Surrender, I have found, is love-based.

I never picked one word last year to help me frame out my year or guide my efforts. But God knew that 2011 would be about surrender. 2011 would be about laying down and picking up. It would be about dying to self, dying to ambition, dying to control, dying to expectation. I think I still have a few more "dyings" on which to work, but the one that stands out clearly in my mind right now is rushing.

I rush a lot. To and from. To this and that. I must believe that if I hurry up and get something done, there will be more time for something else. But chances are, I'm going to rush through that, too, because isn't there always something else to be tackled? And so, perhaps that is why I keep hearing God whispering the word cultivate. It all started when God's word from Luke struck me during Advent: Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2: 19) It's hard to treasure and ponder while rushing. It's hard to savor and store up when I'm looking ahead and expending energy on the next thing.

I'm starting a new series on Thursdays about how the act of cultivation fleshes out in the real-life. If I don't have practical, tangible ways to integrate spiritual process in my life, the spiritual process usually takes a nosedive. Perhaps this is why I have not had much success with past New Year's resolutions. After a few weeks, I would like to open it to guest posts, so if the world "cultivation" hits you or has meaning for you, would you consider writing for me? I'd love how you cultivate space and time for God and the things that He has put in your life.

SDG Community Builder: 1) Notice the new poll in the top right of the blog? Would you take a moment and prayerfully consider your response about coming to the SDG retreat? Planning is underway and I would be blessed beyond belief by your presence! 2) If you haven't liked s(He) Listens on Facebook, would you do that, too? I'm planning on announcing a lot of retreat details through that and it would be a great way to generate more publicity for the retreat for some other sisters that might not know we exist yet! 3) Tell me in the comments which button you like best:
#1 #2

to the one not with me

2011-12-29T16:23:00.000-06:00

Dear Grannie,

I just wanted you to know that I thought about you through this whole Advent/Christmas season. Well, I actually think about you quite often, but somehow the holidays always make me a bit more wistful. I imagine my hands interlaced with yours. My tears are closer to spilling over. I take more moments to snuggle into the blanket you made for me a bit more deeply.

Today, I started taking down the Christmas decorations and as I was replacing garland with picture frames, I realized that I did not have a picture of you in my living room. It was never an intentional oversight, but one that sorely stuck out to me today as I placed my With My Grandmother Willow Tree back on the mantel.

You are missing, I thought.

Of course, you are always missing. Although there are these intense moments in which I receive a gift from God -- a whiff of your scent, a stranger on the street that looks like you, a phrase you used to say being passed between two friends -- you are missing from my life. And I feel this loss deeply. Do you know how many times I still long to call you? Even though you have been gone for over a year and a half, I only just recently took you off my speed dial. Do you know that there are certain things that I only really told you? Not because they were any big secret, but because I knew you would understand. I knew you would have just the right thing to say. I knew that even though we were separated by 1,040 miles, somehow you would be able to wrap yourself around my shaking shoulders.

That's the power of a grannie. That was the power of you.

I just want you to know that you were memorable. Your great granddaughters still fill their worlds with your memories. They pour through their scrapbooks and their fingers linger on your picture. Hannah still gets teary-eyed when Selah's song, You Raise Me Up, plays over the radio. Oh, do you know the extent that you were loved? I hope you realize that you left a legacy. A legacy of rich, selfless love. A legacy that I desperately want to pass on, but I fall short.

But you taught me a thing or two about grace and so I've learned to not dwell on my shortcomings but to just press into His heart more deeply. I wish you had more grace for yourself while you walked on this earth. Even though you gave the world everything you had, you never quite thought it was enough. I want you to know that it was. It was enough. You were enough. You taught me that I was unconditionally loved. That is the best gift of all.

I love you.

Jen

To read more about my journey through grief, please click here.

Linking with the beautiful Emily for Imperfect Prose.

soli deo gloria lite

2011-12-26T17:49:00.000-06:00

Welcome. Tonight is the lite edition of soli deo gloria. I've thought about what I might write about all day, but I haven't gotten to the computer until now, which is less than 2 hours before the link up. And, my kids are asking for yet another round of Battleship...

So, have fun reading this week those who had a moment to blog. We will be back to the full edition next Monday, January 2nd!

Much love,
Jen

Nourishment: 4 Things

2011-12-22T06:00:00.000-06:00

Have you ever just craved nourishment? How do you get it physically, emotionally, spiritually? Because I have these questions and I want answers, I've asked a series of people to come in and share how they find nourishment. Will you come along for the journey? We will meet here every Thursday until the posts run out. Have something to share about nourishment? Contact me and we will set a date!

Meet Dea. Do you ever just happen upon a blog and as you begin reading, your jaw just drops. That's the way I felt over at her place. Her words are just so rich, her spirit so humble. Needless to say, you are going to love what she writes...

photo source

The early morning sky is marked by a contrail of a jet airliner passing overhead. The roar of its engines follows. I lay back on the concrete patio---stationary, while the earth spins in the middle of vast universe. The sliver of silver moves quickly across the sky with its white cloudy tail trailing behind. Soon the plane will be out of site. I wonder where it will land.

Eleven years have passed so very quickly. The years race by like the plane in the sky.

Memories surface to the time when I had it all. My husband was a successful pediatrician in a small town, well loved and respected. I had three beautiful healthy children, the older two homeschooled while the little one made messes all over our big house on the cul-de-sac.

My life was full. I had taken incredible opportunities to serve God on mission trips to Cuba, served on the board of a crisis pregnancy center, and had a group of really close friends with whom I shared a church and social life, friendships that were deep and real.

But then there was the past. As much as the present was good and beautiful, the past kept creeping in on me.

One morning, I was studying God’s Word when the Spirit urged me, “Let’s take care of the past. It is time to bring to the Light the things you have shoved to the darkness.”

My reply, “No, thank you.”

I was serious. And I did pray, “Lord, You are Sovereign. It isn’t necessary to deal with the past. You know it so you deal with it. I will let you have it. I am moving on.”

I didn’t get far. God’s ways are not our ways. His plan was to redeem the brokenness, the pain, the fear, the need to control. I would not let Him have those things. I would not give up who I really was----the me that no one else knew, the me that I lived with everyday.

For months I struggled to keep the dark things in the dark, but they began to roll over and over in mind.

Eventually, they took over and I found myself unable to mother, to sleep or to eat. Having it all would not hold me together. I fell apart.

I turned back to God at His prompting on a beautiful September day just over eleven years ago. I was in a lock-down unit of a mental health facility. My diagnosis: severe clinical depression. God met me in the darkness and brought all to the Light.

Even with an assurance of healing, I had to pick up the pieces to see if I could put my life back together.

Where would I start?

When I got up eleven years ago and walked back into my house, time was slow. I couldn’t drive for a while because of medications. Someone had to take me an hour to my counseling sessions. My preschooler went to the babysitter even though his Momma was at home. My kids were in school.

I was healed and being healed. Moment by moment.

I focused on four things:

Everyday I would eat. For me, the menu was coconut yogurt, banana, and turkey sandwiches until my appetite was restored.

Everyday I would spend time with God in his Word. I wrote in a journal about what God was teaching me. I started with the book of Job.

Everyday I would exercise. I began first with a stroll and then more of a power walk. Eventually I would run.

Everyday I would intentionally talk to someone. I initiated the encounter. This was usually over the phone, but sometimes included a visit with a friend.

I was going to the doctor and seeing a godly counselor, but these four things were the baby steps that got my life moving again.

I made my bed instead of getting in it. I dressed for the day no matter if I was going out. I went through the motions and my heart joined me in the desire to do those things. My open heart believed that God loved me and wanted good things for me---simple things like food, sleep, fresh air and people to share my life.

As quickly as I lose sight of the silver glint of the airplane, eleven years have passed and disappeared into the history of my life.

I have landed in this time and place to live on the other side of healing. It is a gift of grace that has let me LIVE. My story is a life redeemed by the God of Love who has blessed me more than I could ever dreamed or imagined.

Time still races like that plane. I no longer have to rely on the short list of four things to get me moving. I move because He allows me to awaken to live another day.

God trusted me with four things, so that he could give me many things. That was His plan all along.

My journey through depression humbled me but did not humiliate me. Still, it is not always easy to live life on the flyway. I gave God my past and I give Him my future.

The contrail marks the sky. And I rise to live in the now.

Want to read more of Dea (of course you do!). Click here to visit/follow/subscribe to her blog, Most Mornings I Meet with God.

sometimes, it's simple

2011-12-21T07:00:00.000-06:00

sometimes helping isn't a big production.
sometimes it's inviting people into your home to be a part of something small.

like decorating sugar cookies

and making cards

not for neighbors, but for those who have no neighbors.
The ones who stand on the street corners,
whose motives are constantly under scrutiny,
the ones holding the signs that say
anything helps

so we made an anything
batches of cookies piled high with icing
and sprinkles
and Christmas cards
handmade, complete with misspellings,
but with etchings such as
we are praying for you

and I know that their Christmas might not be merry,
but I said it anyway
and the three of us in the car delivering,
we looked into their eyes
and we smiled,
offering kindness and a bit of hope...maybe

but their smiles revealed their acceptance
of our offering,
a special treat just because
it's a season that was meant to be about
simple gifts

and my littlest piped up from the backseat
why didn't we bring apples and oranges, too?
and I think, next year, hannah,
next year we will add on a little more love
to our simple gifts

and I smile because it looks like the heart of my daughter
has grown just as big as the smiles
of those who received our cookies
and I think oh,
it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Linking with Emily for Imperfect Prose.

Consumed & Soli Deo Gloria Party

2011-12-19T19:30:00.000-06:00

It's early Monday morning and the only reason that I'm up is because I told my dad I'd get up early to check him in for his flight so he's assured a good seat on the plane on his way back to Florida. But, I'm also grateful to be sitting in front of the computer here because it's so quiet. For the next two weeks with the kids out of school and lots of things to do, quiet will be a rarity. Sure, I could be sleeping but being aware of the stillness just might be even better.

At church yesterday, I heard this line in the sermon (paraphrased):
"Perhaps we could all stand to be more like Mary who was consumed by the Holy Spirit. Instead of being consumed, we have become consumers during this Advent/Christmas season."
Since yesterday this thought has continually rolled through my mind: Am I consumed or am I a consumer?

Clearly, I can be consumed by things by other than the Holy Spirit, but if I remember this question in the context of the sermon, it is a good way for me to gauge my heart in the heat of the moment -- when the stress surmounts, when I am frantic to make things perfect, when I go back and forth in my mind about whether or not I have bought enough, done enough, am enough.

I ask: In this moment, am I consumed with the Holy Spirit or am I consumer of the ideals and expectations of this world?

If the answer is the latter, I am grateful for the grace of God, who is sends His Holy Spirit to fill me when I ask. I only have to ask. That is all.

SDG Community Builder: What if we passed a prayer around? What if we all prayed for each other that we would be consumed by the Holy Spirit? When you go to visit, after you leave a comment, would you also leave this prayer (or even this prayer alone without a personal comment would be a blessing!). You can copy and paste this one, if you wish...

Father God, You know the trappings this time of year. You know how easy it is to fall into the ways of the world. I pray that You would send Your Holy Spirit upon your servant so that they may be enraptured and consumed by You, this day and every day. May she feel and know Your presence in her life. May she be swept up in a dance with You. Amen.

Because I've not had a lot of time for blogging, I'm also linking this post to sweet friends:
Michelle at Graceful, Laura at The Wellspring, Jennifer at Getting Down with Jesus, and Shanda at Pause on the Path.

The Word on Nourishment

2011-12-15T07:00:00.000-06:00

Meet Amy. Do you know what I just love best about her? Her hunger for the Word. She commits to going deep with Him, to understand, to study, to glean, to hide in her heart. Just thinking about it makes me want to go get my Bible...

photo source

How sweet are Your words to my taste!

Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth! ^{^[1]}

It is that time of year when the festivities aroundChristmas offer us many temptations to overdo the intake of poor nutritiouschoices. We bake more, eat more, andattend more parties where we are seduced by the food. After all, we may not get to eat “this” againuntil next Christmas. Munch, munch,munch.

Following such extravagance, we awaken the next morning withthe resolve to be a better steward of our appetites going forth.

Our minds and stomachs hunger for extravagance it seems.

However, this may not be the case in our approach to thesound nutrition found in God’s Word.

If anything, we may err on being a bit anorexic when itcomes to partaking of the Bible.

What we need is a steady diet of sound doctrine found thereas we partake in the words of life that come off the page and into our minds,proceed to our hearts, and apply to our lives.

Once we feast on the divine precepts there, we realize howvery hungry we have been and we begin to desire more of the nourishmenttherein.

In his first letter to Timothy (Paul’s apprentice “son” inspreading the Gospel), Paul said to and of him, “In pointingout these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constantlynourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which youhave been following.” ^{^[2]}

You see, those within Timothy’s sphere ofinfluence, could have easily fallen prey to the false teaching going on intheir midst (referred to as “these things” above). The buffet, if you will, of spiritual junkfood was plentiful. And as most buffetsappeal to our senses of sight, smell, and taste, I imagine these falseteachings were also appealing to the spiritual senses.

Itsounds good.

Itlooks so right and pretty.

Mostpeople are flocking to it.

What’sone little sample going to do to me?

It’sreally not a big deal.

Not only could they have fallen prey to the false teachingaround them, but Timothy also could have succumbed were it not for his constantnourishment on the words of faith and the sound doctrine he followed.

Constantnourishment.

Wordsof faith.

Sounddoctrine.

When it comes to your spiritual nourishment, where are youfeeding? Man’s words? Or the abundant buffet of God’s inerrantWord?

It is so easy to pull up a chair to the table of worldviews. It’s pretty. It’s plentiful. But, know that the intake there producesnothing of long value. It’s prohibitiveto our producing fruit as sound servants for God.

Like a sugar high’s effect on us, we will take off quicklyand just as quickly crash when we try to live off of junk as our dailybread.

Daily nourishment in the Word is vital to our spiritualwell-being.

At this time of year, and every day forward, let us gatherat God’s table and partake of the goodness of His Word as part of our dailynourishment.

Thelaw of the Lord is perfect,restoring the soul;

Thetestimony of the Lord is sure,making wise the simple.

Theprecepts of the Lord are right,rejoicing the heart;

Thecommandment of the Lord is pure,enlightening the eyes.

Thefear of the Lord is clean,enduring forever;

Thejudgments of the Lord are true;they are righteous altogether.

Theyare more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold;

Sweeteralso than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb. ^{^[3]}

Encouragement:

Read the above verses from Psalm 19 and note the nourishingqualities of God’s Word.

Opportunity for Response:

How has God’s Word nourished you recently? Please leave a comment below or you may go toDigging Deep and post a comment there.

Want to go deeper with Amy? Click here to follow/subscribe/comment on her blog, Digging Deep.

^{^[1]} New American Standard Bible : 1995 update.1995 (Ps 119:103). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

^{^[2]} New American Standard Bible : 1995 update.1995 (1 Ti 4:6). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

^{^[3]} New American Standard Bible : 1995 update.1995 (Ps 19:7–10). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

Imperfect Vlogging & Soli Deo Gloria Party

2011-12-12T19:30:00.000-06:00

Welcome to Soli Deo Gloria. This is a place to share what is on your mind. It is a place where vulnerability is accepted, where heart cries are honored, where struggles are heard. It is a place where we are unconcerned with the quality of your words, but about the state of your heart. We are a community of women that seek to encourage, support, love each other with our words. There is laughter. There are tears. There is everything in between. No matter where you are, who you are, where you have been, I want you to know that you are in the fold and that as you leave your link, you are prayed for. Desire more information? Please click here for the full scoop.

I vlogged today. I think it's more a lesson for myself than anything else. It's full imperfections (yes, clearly I am newbie at vlogging because the book appears backwards in the video). And then there are the pimples. Again. I swear, I only get pimples when God tells me to vlog.

But it's the imperfections that keep me humble. It's being obedient even when conditions aren't perfect. It's about being a star that gets light from Him instead of trying cast her own glow...

Happy Soli Deo Gloria day, friends. Life isn't as rich without you.

SDG Community Builder: Where someone might see an imperfection, will you point out His beauty? Lavishly love one another as you visit.

If you are interested in an art piece, please click here.

Isaiah, John, and Me

2011-12-11T14:48:00.001-06:00

"The spirit of the LORD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me; he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to provide for those who mourn in Zion - to give them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit. They will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, to display His glory." Isaiah 61:1-3

This was the scripture spoken out into our hearts today as we sat in the pews. Oh, sometimes I am awed by the power of the Holy Scriptures spoken out loud. It is as though I can almost visibly see the words spreading out among us, reaching to our hearts, longing to be taken in, ushered into the deep spaces.

photo source

And as I heard these words, I said to myself...I want that job. I want the job where I can bring good news to the oppressed, the job where I bear witness to His holy power binding up the brokenhearted. I want speak the words: You are free, in the name of Jesus! Can you just imagine the privilege of handing out garland to one who has only known ashes? Can you contain the excitement within yourself as you think of offering an oil of joy to someone who has been destitute, held in the chains of forever mourning? Oh, the exuberance of seeing the faint fade away, morphing into a strength that was never even imagined!

Glory.

Fittingly, the sermon today was about our vocation, our vocation that God has equipped us to take on so that we might glorify Him and proclaim His power to save. No matter if you are a garbage collector, a software engineer, a writer, or a priest -- all can be done for the glory of God and unto His purpose. As someone who seems to change careers overnight, I know that no matter what my vocation is at the time, He allows me to use the gifts that He has given me to impact His kingdom in some way. But I still struggle sometimes with thinking that I am a quitter. I look back and think about how I used to dream about being the top special education teacher and getting invited on the Oprah show. I look back and think how I could have advanced up the ranks of college professor or been a creator of curriculum for Christian formation. I look ahead, squinting to see if this speaking/writing/art thing will stick, or if I will wander from thing to thing forever.

photo source

And then, in today's words from Isaiah coupled with the words about John the Baptist, a man sent by God who came as a witness to testify to the light so that all might believe through him (John 1: 6-7), it all becomes so much clearer. I don't want my life to be about me. I want it to be about Him. I have the privilege of giving up my will to the Father who places me where and when He wishes to use me. And through this movement, I lose my tight grip on the dreams and goals I thought would fill me to no end, because instead, I find that tightly gripping God is what really soothes my soul and softens my hearts and makes me melt with mercy and compassion. And no matter what my vocation, no matter how much I get paid, or if I get paid at all, oh to be handing out garland and speaking words of healing balm from His heart, what more could a girl want?

May we all be a voice in the wilderness (but maybe not eating wild locust), proclaiming, "Make straight the way of the Lord!" wherever God has placed us and with whatever tools He has given us.

Linking with Michelle at Graceful, Shanda at Pause on the Path, Laura for Playdates with God, and Jennifer at Getting Down with Jesus.

Also, would love for you to join us tomorrow for Soli Deo Gloria (link opens Monday evening and goes through Wednesday night).

oh my soul

2011-12-09T08:00:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, Big Fat Mama from Cooking Up Faith asked me to share a story about a time in my life where I was held captive and God ushered in freedom. I immediately thought back to a guest post that I wrote many months ago. Here it is again, but rewritten with God's amazing words entwined with mine. Will you join me over there? Not convinced? Here is a teaser...

Photo source

My husband is arecovering porn addict. I am a recoveringtrying-to-control-my-husband’s-every-last-move addict. His captivity provided monstrous amounts offuel that powered my desire to cure him, rehabilitate him, to help him becomeconsumed with anything but porn. Ibought him books. We arranged counseling. I monitored his email accounts, his webbrowser history, his time on the computer. I drilled him, I questioned him, I cried out to him – How could you do this to me? And before I knew it, we were bothenslaved. We were trapped by differentchains, but they were chains nonetheless. They held us back from Jesus. They held us back from each other. They threatened to keep us seated in our own personal prisons forever.

Bless the LORD, O my soul,

And forget none of His benefits; (Psalm 103:2)

As much as I prayed that God would heal him fromhis addiction, and as much as I knew that he could be set free, I simply couldnot let God handle this one on His own.

Please click here to continue reading...

Also, I was included in the Around the High Calling Community (what an honor!). Click here to see who/what has been featured by the newsletter editor, David!

Nourishment: The Simple, Sweet, and Pure Drink

2011-12-08T07:00:00.000-06:00

Meet Abby. She's preparing to live in Hungary for an indefinite amount of time with her husband and two kids to minister to the people living there. She is passionate about Jesus, about spreading His Word, and about helping people to know the depth of His love and grace. It is a privilege to know her. I'm sure you'll feel the same way.

It was a night in thefall of my freshmen year of college and I knelt by my bed and sobbed greatheaving sobs. They were the good sobs ofrelease. surrender. Love. Joy. Peace.All of the Fruits of the Kingdom.

I had been preparing for the next small group meeting of theSonship Discipleship Course that I wasparticipating in through {thankfully} the persistent invitation of my R.D. I was reading an article entitled ‘the End ofthe Struggle’ and in plain speech and illustration it explained that I didn’tneed to strive for my own righteousness any more. Icould let go of the burden, this great struggle to please everyone and be theBEST at everything. Grace could be myvery own food any time. Anywhere. For all time.

As I describe it,this sounds like my conversion, and in many ways it was. Yet I had been a committed believer manyyears, had shared my faith with everyone that I could. I reallydid know Jesus died for me and I wanted to please Him.

But, it took this sobbing night to realize in the blood andguts stuff of me that, clothed in Christ, I alreadywas forever pleasing to God. The message of the Gospel, the life-givinggood news, became not only my ticket to eternal life, but the food by which Ilive.

I cannot say I have never wandered from this life-changingtruth. But, it is true that I continue 19 years later to know in the very deepplaces that I will NEVER find life outside of the Gospel of His Grace.

I feel so blessed to have learned at 18 years of age thiskey understanding which shapes my mind, heart and soul into the image ofChrist. It has become my intimate centering reality that ‘just as I received Christ so I walk inHim.’ And I view all that I take in through thisGospel lens.

And this is how I nourish:drinking the pure and simple water of the Gospel. No matter where I am in the Bible, I look forthe Gospel. Just like in the Jesus Storybook Bible, Ilisten for the whisper of my Rescuer’s, Jesus’, Name. And with years of practice, I have to believeI can hear more quickly and clearly this heartbeat of my Savior.

Whatever book I amreading, I tune my heart to the rhythm of the crosswork of Christ. All of Him given for all of me. And if I can’t hear the Gospel in the book, Iput it down and pick up the Word or put on a song that takes me there.

I listen to sermonsby people like Tim Keller because in every message He ends with thisbeautiful will-never-get-dull rendering of the good news. And that’s why I say I can listen to thesekinds of sermons all day, because they resonate Gospel. My eyes become fixed on Christ and taking inHis Glory.

It is like the purewater of Aslan’s country, this Gospel drink. Youknow the one that Reepicheep tastes in the Voyage of the Dawn Treader and says‘sweet!’ The closer I am to Hisheart, His thoughts of me in Christ, the sweeter the drink and the more of it Iwant.

And the more I comethe more I learn to come.

Also, the more bitterand perverse is the taste of the lies that try to get me to think that it’sstill about me. My performance. Myperfection. My striving. And then, the more quickly and fully theseuntruths are spit out like the bile they are.

So, I raise my glassof the sweet, pure drink of the Gospel to you all and say let’s all lift it toour parched lips and take it in. It willnever stop being poured for our taking and we will never stop being healed andfilled and every-kind-of-nourished by it.

Want to read more of Abby? Of course you do! Click here to follow/subscribe/read her blog, Fan the Flame.

Longing for the Midnight One

2011-12-07T08:38:00.001-06:00

photo source

I'm longing for the candlelight midnight Christmas Eve service this year. The one where at the end, we all sing Silent Night and they turn off all the lights, and the only thing you can really see is the flickering from the candles on the alter, which shine their lights dimly over the red poinsettias.

All is calm, all is bright...

There is a silence and a reverence here that I cannot seem to capture at the 4pm children's service. I smile greatly at the parade of sheep and shepherds, of donkeys and camels, of the angels surrounding them all. My eyes get a bit teary as Mary and Joseph take the stage and I mentally count the years when it might be my daughter's turn. I think fondly of the time when I played the mother of Jesus, up there on those same altar steps so many years ago. My Joseph would be my boyfriend for a short stint the next year. I then shudder at the thought of my baby girls having boyfriends. Oh my.

As much as I love these thoughts, as much as I love watching my children, as much as I love that there is a service that allows them to celebrate the birth of their Savior, I long for a private moment of worship, of my thoughts being unclouded and undistracted. Perhaps I am just a romantic at heart...music, candles, the scent of flowers...they make me swoon. They wrap me up tight in love and I can sit there for hours, talking and worshipping and loving Him in the dimly lit sanctuary of the midnight gathering.

I know that there will come a time when I will attend that midnight service and there will be a piece of my heart that longs to be back amongst the children dressed in robes and animals ears. Don't we always long, at least a little bit, for something that we cannot have right now? But I take heart, as I type out these longings, the Christmas lights dancing on the tree, that my heart is fashioned for worship and that God loves and accepts it in any form that I can give to Him on Christmas Eve, or any day of the year.

Alone in my house, I give myself the gift that I long for, this gift of worship. I may not be in the sanctuary of the church, but God is still here, in the sanctuary of my home, candles lit, music softly playing. All I have to offer Him, laid out of my heart, my mouth open in praise, my mind attune to Him, my Savior born on Christmas morn.

Linking with the lovely Emily at Imperfect Prose.

Plane Thoughts & Soli Deo Gloria Party

2011-12-05T19:30:00.000-06:00

My sweet niece, EK, and my daughter, Hannah

I had the pleasure of sitting with these 6 year-old munchkins on the way home from Disney World. They were, overall, fabulously behaved considering that they had been together for six days and were sleep deprived (FYI, Disney is not a relaxing kind of vacation). Because they were so well-behaved, I actually had a few moments to think (FYI, there is not much time to gather one's thoughts at Disney, either).

As I started typing out my lllooonnngg to-do list for when I arrived home, I started praying that instead of feeling anxious about all I had to tackle, that God would give me peace and show me how to plan my days ahead leading up to Christmas. I've learned to ask Him for the plan instead of formulating my own. In this, I learned to be dependent upon Him in ways that my controlling nature would not normally allow me to do. For example, in college, I would routinely leave my roommates on the couch while watching a movie I picked out because I would feel the need to start working on a paper that was due in a week (or two). I found security in having things done. And so, through this last semester of life, as I juggled teaching a brand new class, as Soli Deo Gloria began to grow and grow, as the amount of writing I wanted to do began to increase, God took the opportunity to take planning away from me. As much as I wanted to plan my class weeks in advance (and towards the end at least by the Tuesday before the Monday I was teaching), God would not give me the ideas. I had to surrender to His timetable and put my own aside. In doing that, I learned this:

I don't want to be in charge. I could have pushed through and planned my class before the inspiration came, but the words that came from my mouth would have been my own and not God's. Dangerous territory, for sure! Do you ever feel like you are pushing through to get something done and it feels like it takes all the effort in the world? Sometimes this can be due to spiritual warfare, but sometimes it's just because we are jumping ahead and not waiting.
Security does not come in the form of a checked off to-do list. Sure, it feels good to get things done, to be productive, to even be ahead of schedule. But, if I put all my stock in that, if I depend on that to help me feel good about myself and my life, what will I be like when I get nary a check on the list? How can I depend on God to help me accomplish what He wants me to do if I am a slave to my own agenda?
He is able. When it seems impossible, He is there. When it seems insurmountable, He is there. When it fails, He is there. Surrendering to Him means allowing myself to understand that nothing goes to waste, that there is a purpose to everything, even when I can't fathom it. Holding this worldview makes life a whole less about me and more about Him.

I believe these lessons are rooted in my foundation (although I'm sure the college student in me might rear her head a few times down the road). As such, I've felt God releasing me to begin to think about a structure to my days (because He knows I love structure and routine). I was so far on one side of the pendulum of begin organized that I was rigid. These past few months have made me softer, more malleable, more open to God's reorganization. Perhaps now I can put a bit more structure into my life without falling into the traps of controlling and rigidity. May I walk this life with softness, with freedom, and with the trust that God has me in the palm of His Hand every second of every day.

If you look into your life, are there parts of you that are rigid and resistant to His touch? Would you be willing to soften, even if it means stepping out in faith, knowing that ultimately, His touch is gentle and loving?

SDG Community Builder: As you visit blogs, tell your SDG sister about one sentence or phrase that she wrote that touched your heart and why it made such an impact.

P.S. Don't forget to link up with your permalink (the specific blog post you want us to read, not your blog address)
P.P.S So glad I'm back in town (thank you for your prayers -- we arrived in plenty of time to make Hannah's birthday dinner!) so I can visit you this week!

Nourishment: Give Us This Day

2011-12-01T06:00:00.000-06:00

Meet Melanie. I had the privilege of meeting her while we did a 31 Days Series together back in May. Then, we went to She Speaks together, but didn't actually meet, which I am so bummed about. Melanie has an amazing heart to help writers and speakers and is so full of talent herself, as you will find out by reading below...

photo by Melanie Saccomanno

I’m a runner and often while running I pray and meditate onscripture. I usually follow the Lord’s Prayer as the pattern for my petitions.

Inevitably when I reach the part, “Give us this day ourdaily bread,” I am struck by the request in present tense. Our Father is apresent tense God. He is the now inour lives – and in His words, the “IAM.”

As I run and pray this portion I ask God to help me live inthe moment. I pray that I am not tempted to worry about tomorrow and fret overyesterday.

“Father, give me what I need for thisday—provision for practical needs, guidance for today’s decisions, and gracefor each moment.”

We women, especially, are often tempted to try and controlour world. Perhaps subconsciously we believe that if we are good enough, do enough and follow some kind of magical religious formula thatour lives will be nice and neat – that we can ward off trouble. However thiskind of thinking, rather than relieving us, actually leads to a kind of whiteknuckle living. We’re hanging on for dear life fearfully hoping we do not losecontrol. The idea that we even have that kind of control is a fallacy. For ifyou live long enough, trouble comes - like a bad houseguest who arrivesuninvited and stays too long.

Our family has faced one of the worst tragedies of life. Welost a child. Our son, Andrew, was twelve years old when an odd symptom alertedme to take him to our pediatrician. Later that day an MRI and a phone callforever changed our lives. Andrew was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. Nocure. Little hope. Only God.

This Christmas will be our 3^rd one without ourboy. He went to his heavenly home 10 days before Christmas 2009 - less than 4months from the heartrending diagnosis.

I share this to tell you that I know how easy it is to worryand fret. It would be very tempting for me to worry that something elseterrible will happen tomorrow.

But as I pray, “Give me this day my daily bread,” what I’mreally asking for is the empowerment to live faithfully unto God today. I know that I need dailysustenance - daily nourishment - to live unfettered from ruminating over thepast and being anxious for the future.

“Man shall not live by bread alone, butby every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” (Matt.4:4)

In the first few months after Andrew passed I had noappetite, I lost weight and I was drowning in my clothes. My face was gaunt andI began to walk stooped over. Physically I was undernourished. My spiritualconditioned mirrored my physical one. I found it hard to read my bible andpray. One afternoon I cried out to God and experienced a spiritualintervention. I made some physical and spiritual changes. Two of which were toget back to running and a scripture memorization plan. Soon I regained myappetite for food and for His word.

Never in my life have I lived more in the present than I dotoday. My highest offering to God is to daily surrender my desire for controland purpose to Him. I can’t change the past and I can’t predict the future. Ican, however, truly live in thepresent trusting the I Am who isenough for me.

Want to read more of Melanie? Oh, yes. You do! Click here to go to her personal blogs, A Faith That Endures and Fun Farther, Faster, Fearless. Subscribe today!

Bribery, Retreats, and Soli Deo Gloria Party!

2011-11-28T19:30:00.000-06:00

This is me and the lovely JanJohnson trying to pose for a picture while holding a phone camera afoot or so away. It only took us about 4 times to figure out the picslooked funny because we weren't looking at the right dot. Anyway, Icouldn't focus on my smile because I had to make sure my eyes were looking inthe right direction. Hence, the enormity of my teeth. Oh well. Jan is beautiful, yes??

So, a few weeks ago, Jan drives downto see me and take me out to lunch (I told you she was cool). She paysfor mine (yep, she just gets better and better) and I say "Thankyou!" of course. And then she says, "Well, it's kind of abribe..."

oh?

"Remember that blog post I wrote about my summervacation and one of the SDG girls mentioned a SDG retreat?"

sure...

"Well, I want a retreat." (okay, so she was pretty much this bold, but I amparaphrasing here)

And, if you would have been there,you would have seen my mouth drop open because (and I so love it when God worksthis way) because God had just been putting on my heart that, yes, it mightjust be time for an SDG retreat.

And so, I am 99% sure that our themeis: Lost in the city, Found by God, which means, we are notretreating from the city, but still relaxing and reveling nonetheless indowntown Austin, Texas in October 2012.

Yes, less than a year. LESSTHAN A YEAR!

I'm thinking October 19-21, 2012, butI am currently in the process of getting bids from area hotels and scoping outmeeting spaces. My heart is to make this as inexpensive as possible andit seems like perhaps, the more people we have, the less it will be per person. Plus, we will have options of rooming, like how many people per room,etc. I'm also hoping that Friday night will be super cheap (pizza, wine,and soft drinks??).

So, details are fuzzy, but the heartand the mission are becoming clearer by the minute. God is in charge andI am simply following His lead. It's an adventure for sure because I amnot an event planner!

What can you do to help now?

1. Pray. Please pray forthe retreat, pray about if you can come, pray, pray, pray!

2. Let me know if you areconsidering coming and how much you would be able to spend without includingyour personal transportation costs (include lodging, helping with meeting roomcosts, and food). You can either email me or let me know in the comments.

3. Be thinking about others who might want to come and join us. What an exciting way to build our community!

SDG Community Builder: Pray for our retreat. Start talking about it as you visit other blogs to make sure people know that they are welcome, loved, and important.

P.S. I'm on a fun family adventure, so I won't be able to visit around this week.

P.P.S. If you missed last week, I've started selling my art. If you are interested, please click here.

Winds of Distractions

2011-11-27T14:03:00.001-06:00

It's windy here today.
Windy as in difficult-to-stay-in-my-own-lane-while-driving-my-car-kind-of-windy.

While sitting in church today, I strained to keep my attention focused on the words of the sermon, but the wind continued to rattle the windows of my church. It rattled the cross that extends itself into the sky. It rattled the large brass cross that comes down over the alter.
As I strained to hear, I myself became rattled.
Will the roof cave in?
Will the cross topple?
Will the windows crack, the shingles rip off, the roof crater?
And before long, I was imagining the church where I have been since I was 7, standing no more.

How easy is it to be distracted by the winds that whip around us. Winds that are not born of the Holy Spirit, but rather winds that seek to taunt us with needless worries, endless speculations. Winds that seek to rock us off our foundations so that we are easily swept up by the world.

Have you ever felt whipped around by the wind? Have you ever gotten to the point where the battle against it is so hard and you are so tired that you consider just surrendering to it, allowing it to carry you this way or that?

I pondered these things while straining to hear that sermon and all the while, I hear the still small voice saying this:

Remember your foundation.

And I think of times that I nearly surrendered to the wind, throwing up my hands, my exhaustion, my will. Surrendering to those things that I thought would soothe, would numb, would help me forget.

But then...

But then, my Protector stepped in. And I remembered my foundation and I saw the safety of surrender to Him, though I knew it would not be something without pain or tears or struggle. But, I would be rooted. I would be found. I would not be aimless, flapping the winds, this way and that. No.

I would be in the safety of His wings, surrounded by His Wind, the world's noise quieting once again.

As we prayed the Prayers of the People, me in my pew, head bent down, heart opened, communing with God that which I laid in front of Him on behalf of myself, on behalf of those I love, I was oblivious to that scathing, cold wind. I was oblivious to the creaking, to the fear, to the howling that sparked worry in my heart.

It was only when I arose out of that prayer that my ears attuned to it once again. And so I learn not only to remember my foundation, but to pray without ceasing.

Are you caught in the windstorm? Have you ever been?

Linking with Michelle at Graceful, Shanda at Pause on the Path, and Laura for Playdates with God.

Also, would love for you to join us tomorrow for Soli Deo Gloria (link opens Monday evening and goes through Wednesday night).

Nourishment: A Choice

2011-11-24T06:00:00.000-06:00

Meet Jenny. Jenny and I have been friends since high school. She is one of the most deep-thinking, yet fun, people I know. She is currently on a blogging break, but wanted to share her thoughts on nourishment on a holiday like Thanksgiving.

photo source

I breathe deeply and I pause. The Thanksgiving begins.

Amidst the “hello’s” and “nice to see you’s” there is anawkwardness. A hmm, do I really know these people? I wonder and I wander.

Between tables, around corners. Through conversations, amidst scents. Dancing with the fragrances around me. Turning around them as they swirl around me.

Family and food. Thisis what this holiday is.

Or is it?

I think about nourishment because my friend has asked me to. My definition of the holidayexpands. I am nourished because I chooseto be. Not by what I eat or don’t eat. Not by what I say or don’t say. Simply in the act of showing up I feedmyself, I am fed. By positioning myselfto love, and be loved, I choose to nourish, and become nourished.

The Source of all nourishment is the Source Himself, the Godof Life and Love, Yahweh, Ancient of Days. When I open myself up to family, food, wandering conversations andwafting scents, I open myself up to love. I open myself up to Him, His presence, His here and now.

I open myself up to…

…the unexpecteddeep connection with a cousin in the corner;

…the moment when I can speakencouragement over an in-law in the hallway;

…the laughter I hear emanating fromthe children in the playroom, that brings a smile to my face;

…the gifts all around me, wafting like the scents, both tangible andintangible, physical and ethereal, but all good and each substantial, fillingand full-fulling.

As I push through the awkwardness that can be the holidays,as I open myself up and make myself vulnerable, I am nourished. And, I am thankful.

May you be blessed with the perspective of His presence thisThanksgiving, and it may it feed you more than ever before.

Like I said above, Jenny is on a blog break, but if you would like to read more of her words, you can find her at In the Becoming.

When I First Encountered Him...

2011-11-23T06:00:00.000-06:00

I'm guest posting today for Amy Wards' series on thankfulness for the Word. Would you join me over there? Here's a little teaser to lure you over...

photo source

I’ve spent most of my life in the Episcopal Church, whichhappens to mean that I didn’t grow up clutching a Bible to my chest when Iwalked into the sanctuary doors. Ididn’t have one in front of me amongst the Books of Common Prayer and hymnalswhen I sat down in the wooden pew, softened by crushed red velvet cushions.

The Bible was read from the pulpit and for most of my life,except in times of distress, that where it stayed.

And then, in what seemed like a flash, the Bible becamesomething living, something fresh, something relevant to me. I was on a YWAMmission trip far from home and as we sat through training, the leader asked usto grab our Bibles, close our eyes, and listen for God to reveal His promisesthrough His written Word.

“He can do that?” Ithought.

And so I closed my eyes and strained to hear thevoice of God... To continue reading, please click here...

Art and Soli Deo Gloria Party

2011-11-21T19:30:00.000-06:00

The purpose of Soli Deo Gloria is just this: to be a community of women who encourage each other as we share our hearts, bare our souls, and walk the road with God. As the facilitator of this group, sometimes my posts become more about the group and not so much about what is going on inside my heart. But today, I write with a bit of trepidation and anxiety in my heart because, well, I'm in the process of beginning to sell my, um, art. Crazy.

Above is a piece that I did for my beautiful, talented, most wonderful friend, Amy. This is how it came about:

1. I asked her if she had a verse (most all my art is scripture-inspired) she wanted me to use as inspiration or if she wanted me to pray and ask God for a verse. To which she said, "Oh, I totally want YOU to pray and get a verse." Of course, she would say that.

2. So, in the shower, I prayed and two verses came to mind. Upon toweling off and dressing, I looked up both verses, sent them to Amy, and had her choose.

3. After I received her response, I re-read the verse, asked God for vision, and started drawing. What really came through to me in this verse was God's rescue and the fact that in His strength, provision, and protection, we can have REST. I thought about all the things that we need rescue from: the storms of our lives, the walls we build around our hearts, the briar patches along the roads. When I think about all these things in conjunction with what it means to feel safe in my Father's arms...oh, it soothes my soul.

So...I can do this for you. I can do this for your friends or your family or anyone else. I can either pray and ask God for a verse or you can give me one that is close to your heart. Each piece will be done in charcoal pencil with an acrylic spray finish so that it doesn't smudge. My paper is 9x12, but I can also create pieces that are more suitable to framing (sorry, Amy, I didn't think about this when I did yours) like 8x10 or 5x7.

I have to thank my sweet bloggy friend, Rachel. Do you know that right when I began typing this post (doubting myself all the way), I received an email from her? This is what she said: "i adore your charcoal art. it's beautiful. i only wish you sold your work, so that i could buy a piece." I'm kind of taking this as confirmation that I need to go ahead with this, at least for now. We'll see what comes of it, I suppose.

If you are interested, please email me at jenfergie2000@me.com. I am really insecure about this whole charging people money thing, but I'm gonna go with $30 per piece, plus shipping. If that sounds good, just give me a shout.

Oh, and if there is a piece in the My Art section of my blog that catches your eye, email me and I'll let you know if it is available. Most all of those charcoal pieces are 9x12.

Alright, 'nuff said about me. What's going on in your world? How can we love and encourage you? Link up your blog and we will come with our words and our prayers.

SDG Community Builder: As you visit each other and leave your encouragement in their space, would you offer up a prayer for them, too? It doesn't have to be long, just a sentence or two.

Linking this also to Sneak Peek Friday at Studio JRU!

The Lost Offering

2011-11-20T15:26:00.001-06:00

Did you ever play King of the Hill? I didn't but our priest describes it as a childhood game in which, through trickery or pure force, one seeks to dominate, control, and retain power on top of the hill.

Sounds much like the world today, yes? He contrasts this with idea of servanthood, connecting his words with the words of Matthew in the 25th chapter and Ezekiel's in the 34th. He talked about God as both the King and One who was homeless. And our priest posed the question (paraphrasing here), What would happen if we spent more of our time serving instead of shoving with flank and shoulder, butting the weak sheep?

And I wonder, what about all those times that I seek to prove that I am right instead of just serving the one who contends with me? What about all those times that I covet the roles and responsibilities of others instead of just sitting under their teaching and being thankful that I can learn from them? What about all those times that I choose to build walls so to supposedly protect myself when instead, I just end up judging and hiding and limiting my ability to be light in darkness?

All these thoughts are swirling in my brain and the offertory plate starts to flow from pew to pew. Just as it comes to us, my smallest one drops one of her quarters on the floor and even with a frantic search, we can only find two of the three. There is no consoling her, for she simply must find it, she must put it into the plate. This is her offering and she wants to give it fully. And I try shushing and soothing, but to no avail. She will not be quiet. In the consoling, my eyes finally fall upon the quarter. We pick it up and look back to where the plate has finally made its way. It is too far back, but one of the ushers realizes our crisis and she comes to our rescue, allowing my smallest to place the quarter in her hand so that she may safely deliver it to the plate, to the people to whom this money will serve, to the very Hand of God.

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25: 40

Will I be so frantic to serve? Will I be undone when I cannot find my offering? Will I choose to stop pushing and shoving and claiming what I deem to be my own, in order to bend down and humbly serve?

Will you?

Linking with Michelle at Graceful, Shanda at Pause on the Path, and Laura for Playdates with God.

Also, would love for you to join us tomorrow for Soli Deo Gloria (link opens Monday evening and goes through Wednesday night).

As of Late...

2011-11-18T07:00:00.000-06:00

Lately, I've been able to say "Life is good."

Lately, I've been saying "Thank You" a lot.

Lately, I've learned that God is teaching me that I can say "Thank You" even when life isn't perfect.

Lately, I've been watching rain fall upon our parched land.

Lately, I've marveled at the spring flowers in bloom in the fall because the weather patterns are confusing them.

Lately, I've seen God color outside the lines.

Lately, I've realized that I don't get 7 year-old humor sometimes.

Lately, I've been so thankful for community.

Lately, I've surrendered more of my leadership to my husband.

Lately, I've gotten to meet some of my blog peeps in person. Simply amazing.

Lately, I've been in love.

What are you up to lately? Come share at CrittyJoy's place.

Also, for some Caffeinated Randomness, visit Michelle.

Nourishment: Better Than Cow Therapy

2011-11-17T07:00:00.000-06:00

Meet Marty. She loves cows and her heart's passion is to encourage women into a deeper experience of the Father's heart for them through the giving out of His Word. Clearly, what is there not to like? I think we are kindred spirits. Perhaps you will think so, too...

"The Lord is my shepherd; I haveall that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows; Heleads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,bringing honor to His name."

Ps 23:1-3

Haveyou ever noticed? It’s impossible toremain stressed while watching a cow eat grass. Seriously. Try it. No, I mean really try it. Take sometime. Watch the process. Let your mind enter into the grazingmoment. Anxiety melts. Pressures deflate. Worries subside. It’s a total “Ahhhhh…” experience. I stumbled upon this astounding discovery elevenyears ago during the second-home-in-the-mountains chapter of our lives.

As we wouldrace to the somewhat nearby Blue Ridge Mountains for 48 hours of weekend bliss,I began to notice in interesting phenomenon: cows were impacting my life in some significant ways. Oddly enough, throughout our trip, Idiscovered my heart relaxing and breathingmore and more fully with each successive cow sighting along the way.

Withoutfail, this marked unwinding intensified and culminated on the last leg of our 3½ hour journey, as we inched our big-city car down the quaint, pasture-lined,dusty road leading to our beloved rural bungalow. Inevitably, I experienced the need to pausealong the way, gazing eye-to-eye with various members of the grazing herds, completelytransfixed by their laid-back modus operandi. Prior to this season in my life, I don’t think I had ever looked a cowstraight in the eye at close range...ever. It was the commencement of authentic and lasting transformation for me.

In thiscontext, cow therapy wasbirthed. The treatment plan for this approachis amazingly simple: Stressed out? Go watch a cow eat grass…for a while. I was the original guinea-pig for theresearch behind this revolutionary medical discovery. As a result, my life has been personallyenriched by the exhaustive list of anti-stress indications linked to this tremendousbovine breakthrough.

In fact,truth be known, I’ve been keeping it a secret all these long years. Actually, I hadn’t intended on sharing thishighly effective therapy with anyoneuntil I could figure out how to market it…and retire early with my proceeds. Alas, I’ve had a change of heart - for the better,I might add - and I have decided to disclose my treasure without regard topotential personal monetary gain… As a point of interest, my research into theimpact of bovine behavior on the human heart has actually expanded into theequine field, and I’ve made an amazing discovery: HorseTherapy is equally as effective; maybe moreso...But that’s another topic.

Whatis at the core of this revolutionary cowtherapy modality, you may wonder? What is the secret behind this innovative remedy for modern man’s (and modernwoman’s) pressing malady of heart and spirit called, stress? I’m not sure; eventhough now I am a self-acclaimed expert in this field. I have watched a lot of cows eat a lot ofgrass during the past eleven years.

Perhaps thesecret lies within the cow countenance; the inescapable expression in theireyes throughout the grazing process…steady, unhurried, self-assured enough to unraveleven the most tightly-wound, adrenaline-addicted soul. With every bite, they seem to say, “What’sthe big deal? Relax…Chill…All iswell….Here, have a blade or two. Trustme. It’sreally good.” Or, maybe theclandestine power of this radical therapy, so mesmerizing to the spirit, ishidden deep within the nonchalant way cows – of all breeds and backgrounds, Imight add – methodically, yet somewhat randomly, move throughout a pasture,blade by blade, seeking out their next bite.

Yep. I’m thinking that might be it. Possibly, the effectiveness of cow therapy lies hidden within the wholeblade by blade thing. From our highlyproficient human perspective, this incredulously inefficient process is in desperateneed of an overhaul.

From a timemanagement point of view, the grazing habits of cows are an utter (pardon thepun) disaster. I mean, really…How Neanderthal! Where is the cow-version of a fast-foodMcDonalds? Think of how much more they could cram into their cow-schedules if only somuch time wasn’t squandered with the whole grazing thing? And we humans know that more is always better. Right?

If I’mhonest about the whole thing, however, I am forced to concede. In spite of its agonizingly measured,methodical pace, somehow, the blade by bladeapproach to cow-life does, in fact, minister a tremendous measure of grace andpeace to my frequently over-scheduled, frantic, frustrated heart. It’s beyond my comprehension, but once again,I am indeed indebted to the cow for this poignant revelation.

So now thatI’ve disclosed my life research, where does that leave us? What are the practical implications of thisradical therapy? Moreover, what possiblerelevance exists between these discoveries - regarding the connection betweenbovine behavior and human sanity - and those who sadly find themselves without thebottom line commodity, essential for beginning this therapy: accessto a cow…better still, a herd of cows???

For manyyears, I too found myself restrained by this unfortunate category of lifecircumstances. As a result, cow therapy was completely inaccessibleto me. (Fortunately, however, at thetime I wasn’t even vaguely aware of whatI was missing.) What to do for frazzledhearts caught in this situation? Wherecan those of us locked within the confines of an urban lifestyle find rest andrejuvenation for the heart, when cowtherapy simply is not a viableoption, for obvious reasons?...

Well, layingall cow-fun aside for the moment,fortunately, lasting hope is within easy reach for our weary hearts, regardless of our life circumstances. It’s as close as the pages of God’sWord. Truly, Scripture is the Light our paths require, and the Lamp our feet so desperately need as wejourney through this life. Psalm 23reminds us, “The Lord is [our] Shepherd; [we] have all that [we] need. He lets [us] rest in green meadows; He leads [us] beside peaceful streams. Herenews [our] strength. He guides [us] along right paths, bringinghonor to his name.”

Familiarwords….familiar concepts…Today, however, as we close our “clinical analysis” onthe intricacies and benefits of cow therapy, let’s fully embrace the Psalmist’s words, and be drawn into thatwonderful place of rejuvenation and peace our spirits crave. Truly, Jesus is the one and only eternal remedyfor our exhausted, thirsty hearts and lives.

In fact, in thesedays just prior to His return, those of us who claim to know Him must to be onthe alert more than ever before. Theintensity of the times in which we live, necessitate us being scrupulouslyaware of the condition of our hearts and lives, with the Spirit’s help. Only as we follow His lead, can wesufficiently tend to our souls and feast on His Presence, averting the manypitfalls aimed at our demise. It is timeto heed the delightful invitation to abide in our Lord, drinking deeply of Hispowerful Presence, in an unprecedented way. His Arms are open wide, inviting us to come closer, to stay longer, and toknow Him as our All-Sufficient Shepherd, more powerfully than we ever have in thepast.

The issue ofwhat to do with over-stressed hearts will remain a pressing dilemma for everygeneration. And as much as I am a devoted proponent of the prolific benefitsof cow therapy, (and plan oncontinuing to practice it on a regular basis) the heart of the matter trulylies in connecting with, The Heart ofthe matter. He longsto be the One Who hold us close, whispering to the depths of our spirits, andfilling us to overflowing in the midst of our over-crowded, stressful lives. Thisday, let’s pull aside from the hassles and heartaches of our circumstances longenough to feed, blade by blade, Word by Word, on His faithfulness…and bethankful.

As we closefor today, may your heart be renewed, and your eyes be on the lookout…Whoknows? Your next opportunity to engagein some peaceful, rejuvenating cowtherapy may be closer than you think…

“Father, Youare so gracious and abundantly extravagant in caring for us as you do. What a treasurewe have in Your Presence. Open our eyesto see You more and more clearly. Freeus from all that distracts, depletes, discourages, and degrades. Thank You for Your lavish reservoir ofpatience, mercy, and thirst-quenching Love which more than abundantly ministers to the depths of our parched, stressed-outhearts.
Lead us,Holy Spirit, this day into the fullness of Youragenda for each one of us. Cause usto follow; to linger; to revel in Your Presence, as never before. Open to us fresh, new pastures previouslyunknown in our experiences with You. Fillus with a sense of excited anticipation over the journey ahead, as we devoteourselves to intimacy with You. Take ushigher and deeper into Your Heart, O God, for You alone truly know usintricately and have the power to fill us abundantly as our souls require. Shepherd us, protect us, renew us, guide usand most of all, bring honor to Your Name through our lives, this day.”

Want to know more about Marty? Read more of her wise words? Click here to visit/follow/subscribe her blog, Rhythms of His Grace.

The Room That Is Not Yet Done

2011-11-16T08:19:00.001-06:00

I take a mental tour of my house. I pass the public areas -- the living room, kitchen, the dining area -- and they look presentable, pretty even. I am satisfied.

I trek upstairs and while things look a bit more lived in up here, they are still pleasant, comfortable, clean, and not pretentious. But if I travel around the curve that leads from the master bedroom, I enter into chaos. I enter into The Room That Is Not Yet Done.

It is the place where household management, art, and my husband's music collide and the collision is not pretty. Someday, we will have enough money to turn the room into what we want, and because that day is not today, I choose to ignore it. I ignore the cluttered, confused room that is not suitable for eyes other than mine.

As I finish up my mental tour, God asks me to tour the confines of my heart. He leads me by the hand and we travel through all those public places, the rooms where people regularly reside and enter in with welcome. We travel into the rooms where I only let in a few trusted people, but I feel as though God is satisfied with the state of these dwelling places. And then, then, we get to The Room That Is Not Yet Done.

We stand outside the door, the door that is covered in "caution" tape, whose handle is hot to the touch, whose lock is big and to which I only hold the key. And He asks me the unthinkable.

Will you let me into this space, this Room That Is Not Yet Done?

And I stand there silently, I shake my head, a defiant "No!" for this is the uncomfortable place where chaos and confusion run rampant and I like to think that my life is order and chaos and peace.

He doesn't open the door, but somehow, He shows me what I look like when I operate inside this room, this Room That Is Not Yet Done, and I see myself small and cowering in a corner, the darkness threatening to overcome me. I am tied up in rope, but there is no one else in the room that is my captor, no one tightening the noose. But, oh yes, there is myself. I am the one who keeps the ropes tight out of self-protection, out of fear, out of comfort because this pain is known.

photo source

And as I watch this little girl in the chaos, as I feel her heart yearning for freedom, I see that she does not know how to get out. And He says, There is only one way. You must let me cut the rope. Imagine the freedom.

But somehow, all I can imagine is the pain that will come with the unleashing, my sore arms so taught, so tight, so unused to being able to bend and flex and lengthen. I think of my tight runner's body before I knew yoga. I think of the handcuffs around the accused and how he rubs his wrists after the release. There is still pain, but it is the pain of the body stretching for freedom. A pain born out of yearning and reaching. Quite different from the pain of being encased in rope.

And so the question still hangs in the air. Will you let me into this space, this Room That Is Not Yet Done? Will you let Me cut the rope that binds you? Will you let me unwind you, carry you through this pain of release? Will you trust me to bring wholeness to your heart?

I see that small girl rise. I see the glint of the scissors raised. I see a small hand reaching for the door. I breathe in and slowly turn the handle.

Will you turn the handle, too?

photo source

Linking with the lovely Emily at Imperfect Prose and Shanda at Pause on the Path.

Happy Belated Birthday, Soli Deo Gloria!

2011-11-14T19:30:00.000-06:00

photo source

(I'm nearly 2 weeks late wishing our little group a happy birthday. Time just gets away from me. Do you ever get so caught up in the living that sometimes you miss the big dates?)

I'm in a reflective mood tonight. I've finished my preparation for my final class of the semester tomorrow (I'm writing this Sunday night) and so my mind has a bit of room to wander. I think back to over a year ago, remembering so clearly the call from God to start this group. I relive the pruning process that God took me through so that I would have the time in which to facilitate in this space. Does anyone remember the tree? Each branch holds a job or role that I filled...

I think back on that first morning in which we went live, filled with anticipation and a little bit of worry that no one would show up on the opening day. What has this community been for me? Oh, the list is too long to count. You have prayed, you have supported (emotionally, spiritually, financially), you have encouraged, you have loved. You respond to me and to each other and most importantly, to God. Any of you that I have met in person, I can attest, you are just as genuine "in real life" as you are on your blog. (And do you know I got to have a fellow SDG sister in my house today?? Joy, I enjoyed every single moment. You are a doll and a precious friend. Oh, and she also got to come to my class today. See below!)

I think about the verse from 1 Chronicles: "Who am I, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" I just want you to know how privileged I am to host you in this space. It is an honor to read your words. It is an honor that you ask the people who enter here to pray for you. It is an honor to know your heart and to love you.

Oh, and um, what's a birthday without presents? I have this amazingly wonderful friend who makes these amazingly wonderful candles. Seriously, you will not believe how much scent is packed in this beautiful blue jar. Once you light her candle, you will never want another brand. Yes, that is how good they are. She has four scents to choose from that fit perfectly in this fall season: Apple Jack, Pumpkin Brûlée (my favorite), Amish Quilt, and Bodine Brew. How can you join in this birthday fun and win the best ever candle? Just leave a comment on this post. If your email is not connected to your account, please leave your email address, too, so I can contact you if you win.

So now, please raise your coffee/tea mugs or whatever else you are drinking. Happy birthday, Soli Deo Gloria. The best is yet to come.

SDG Community Builder: In the comments section, let us know this: What has Soli Deo Gloria meant to you? Then, hightail it over to someone that you have never seen before and leave her some love.